The world has been missing you; begin your journey to discovering the real you

Written by Amie on November 13, 2012 – 2:20 am -

you will start feeling better the minute you decide to start listening to your inner voice

It is exciting to hear about so many people waking up to discover who they really are. I love the thought of people waking up to realize their depression can be “fixed”. Believe me, I know how bad depression can feel, and I know how sometimes it feels as though you will never feel better and what is the point? I am here to say, “please hang in there, you will start feeling better the minute you decide to start listening to your inner voice”. We are living in an exciting time. Trust me, I know it doesn’t feel that way. It feels pretty chaotic right now. I describe it as the storm before the calm. I have been feeling heavy energy for a few months now. My belief is that we, as humans, are waking up at an accelerated speed. Depression is high, anxiety feels unbearable, and people seem to have temporary insanity! lol It is temporary, I do believe that. I have been a witness to several people waking up to realize that all they thought was true really isn’t. It is disheartening for them at first, then they may feel angry, and then they figure out a new way of “being”. And then they wonder why the heck didn’t anyone tell them about this whole other way of being? The answer to that is they weren’t ready until now.

you are depressed because you have buried yourself

Why am I talking about this? Because I want to reassure those who are suffering deeply right now that things will get better and easier. This is true if you are willing to look inside yourself and listen. This is true if you are willing to acknowledge those feelings that you think others may disagree with or may dislike. This is true if you decide that you deserve love, you deserve to be nurtured, and you deserve to express yourself exactly as you need to (assuming you are not intentionally hurting others, or physically hurting others!) I want to add that telling the truth to someone may cause them to blame you for “hurting them”. This is not what I mean  by intentionally hurting others. It is your right to express your truth. How another person responds to you is their truth. If you are willing to look at your life and be honest about the things that are bringing you down, you can begin to find the true soul that has been buried deep within you. You are depressed because you have buried yourself. Remember, it is perfectly understandable why you did this. You did it to protect yourself. At some point in your life, you came to the conclusion that you needed to protect yourself from being hurt by others. You have built in protection, and your body and mind knew exactly what to do so that you could cope with your life.

it is okay to feel angry

Depression is your soul’s way of screaming to you that it wants to be seen. And heard. It is tired of being beat up. You learned to beat yourself up for things that were out of your control. There are so many dysfunctional adults in our world, and they pass along messages of self-hate to their children. They really don’t do this intentionally. It happens because it is too painful for them to get help. It is okay to feel angry at the people in your life who conditioned you to believe there was something wrong with you. It isn’t always productive to express this to them, in my experience. If they have not grown emotionally, then it is mostly a waste of time and energy to tell them how you feel. So, in my experience, it is most helpful to work through these issues with a therapist or people who are also growing, and who see you and accept you and nurture you for who you are. You will truly be shocked at what you have been believing about yourself and those in your life. You will come to see that most of the thoughts in your head are just not true, and they came from other people. You will slowly begin to start questioning why you do everything you do, where your beliefs came from, and who your true self really is. Your depression will begin to fade as you begin to let your voice be heard. You will start to only allow those people in your life that truly support and encourage you to be your true self. You may discover how much you actually hate certain things you have been telling yourself you should love. Resentment will begin to be felt, and this is normal. You may be resentful that you  were conditioned to believe things that simply weren’t true.

discovering who you are is a process

Discovering your true self is an exciting process! It is the process children should be living as a normal rite of passage. Someday, this will be reality. But right now, at this point in the evolution of humans, this is where we are. We are waking up to see that we have been conditioned to hide so as to fit in or appear as though we have it all together.  Well, I say, give yourself permission to begin your process of discovering who you are. The world has been missing you! Start right now. Start by writing down some of the thoughts going through your head for ten minutes. Question them. If you think they are true, make yourself prove it. Pick one nice thing to say to yourself, and repeat it each time you say something negative. Repeat it, repeat it, and repeat it again, even when you don’t believe it. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself, “I love you”, even if it doesn’t feel true and you feel goofy saying it. Do that as many times a day as you are willing, but do it at least once. Do one thing a day that feels nurturing to you. Take a walk, light a candle and sit in silence, watch a movie. Do something that feels good. Learn to meditate. There is no “right way”. Oprah had an interview with Deepak Chopra a week or so ago that teaches beginning meditation. And, guess what, you can start by sitting for one minute a day. It is easy to feel afraid to start something new. I understand this, especially when you are feeling really low. I get it, I promise you. But I also know that meditation changed my life. It can change yours too. And, it has nothing to do with religion, if that is an issue for you.

there is nothing wrong with you

So……I want you to know…there is nothing wrong with you…..and there is nothing wrong with you because you are suffering with depression right now……depression is just covering up the real you because you were conditioned to hide your truth. You true self is waiting to be re-discovered. Your true self is how you were born. I promise you…..you are loved….you are perfect exactly as you are…and your depression will begin to lift as soon as you being to look at your truth. Depression can be debilitating, I know from experience. I also know that I am more alive and more authentic than ever before in my life. I want to give you hope, because I *know* without one shred of doubt, that you can feel alive and happy and authentic too. Is it an easy road? Not always, I won’t lie to you. But is it worth it? HELL YES!!!!!

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Posted in Depression, Healing & personal growth, healing from depression, Help with depression, Meditation, Nurture yourself, Self hate | No Comments »

Those hidden beliefs

Written by Amie on January 27, 2009 – 12:13 pm -

Exercise and Meditation

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I would like to share this huge breakthrough that I had today because I am thinking that it might help someone else. I have been exercising and meditating almost every day for the past few weeks. I am trying to be very gentle with myself and trying not to have expectations of a certain outcome. One of my intentions for the new year is that I want to exercise more. Not like the New Year’s resolution when I  tell myself I “should” exercise. That has never worked for me. I have a strong desire to exercise, and the meditation just feels like a part of my routine. Wake up, stretch, meditate. Anyway,  even though I am doing this without an “agenda” so to speak, there is a small part of me that thought I “should” (there is that word again) see some small change in my body by now. I am working on learning to love my body again, so like I said, I am being nice to myself. But still……..

Negative body image

I sat down to meditate thinking that I would follow my normal routine. However, that nagging voice inside was saying, I wonder why you can’t really see any changes yet. I decided to listen, and to observe the other thoughts that were coming up. Wow, some beliefs that I didn’t know I had came bubbling up to the surface. I realized that there is a part of me that is afraid to get back to the weight and size that I was when I felt I was in “good shape”.  Again, I asked myself, why would I be afraid? I thought that sounded crazy!  Ask and you shall receive, right?!  The answers came forth loud and clear!

Acceptance

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The answer that came to me was that the only time in my life that I felt truly “accepted”  was when I was working out in a way that was unhealthy, and I was skinny. I was over  exercising and not eating enough. I got a lot of attention when I looked the way I was “supposed” to look. This hurt to realize. I feel sad, disappointed, and really furious!! I also realized why the weight started creeping on about a year after my kids were born. This was around the time when my parents thought I should stop breastfeeding my boys, cut the apron strings were the exact words. This is when I started feeling like they were disappointed in my parenting skills, which lead to feeling unaccepted yet again.

Accept me for who I am

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I couldn’t figure out why this would make my body want to hold on to extra weight though. If anything, I would have thought I would lose weight so that I could feel accepted. Another thought came up-subconsciously I didn’t want to lose the weight because I was hoping that they would accept me for who I am for once. Even though they didn’t agree with my parenting and I am not the right body shape, if they could just accept me for who I am, I could be free to lose weight if I wanted to. I was hoping  they would love me either way. Ha! If I were to lose weight and then people would make a big deal about it, it would feel like once again, I am being accepted because I lost weight. I won’t just be accepted for who I am.

Now that I understand this, I can release the negative beliefs, and move on. I already knew that it doesn’t matter if anyone accepts me for who I am. I still am who I am. I don’t need other people’s  approval of anything I do. My husband and I choose the way we raise our children, and it is too bad if someone else doesn’t like it! I knew there was some correlation to  my weight and the resistance and fear I felt, but I really didn’t get exactly what it was. I wrote a letter to my family, and then I released the negative beliefs and then I burned the letter. That felt so good! I am so grateful that I am far out of the victim mode.  I am grateful that my body has been so loyal to me, and has stayed so healthy. I also feel compassion for those that are so focused on the external. That is so not who we all are! Yes, I want to take care of my body, and treat it well, but with or without this body, I am me. I am who I am, and I am powerful! I am 100% Ok with not being accepted. Sure, it would be nice, but I do not need it in order to be happy and healthy!

I will still be gentle with myself, and I will still not be focused on the outcome. I don’t want to pressure myself now and feel like something has to change quickly now that I have it figured out! Because I don’t have it all figured out, it is just one piece of my puzzle. It is exciting though to excavate to see what I can find. I will stay healthy as long as I don’t make up stories to go along with these thoughts that come up! That is when the feeling of being so small and helpless comes in, when we let our stories take over. I am writing my own story now, I am responsible for my story, and I am going to make it full of joy and self-acceptance. That is the only acceptance we all really need-acceptance of ourselves!


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