Your inner voice vs your outer experience

Written by Amie on July 16, 2011 – 1:30 am -

Our hearts are broken but we hide it, we learn to pretend that all is well

We have been taught that depression is an illness and it needs to be treated. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying it doesn’t, I’m just saying there is a different way to look at it.  I do not believe it is a “condition” that has to stay around forever. Many of us have been told depression should be treated like diabetes, etc. I don’t believe that. This is just my experience though, and I respect others’ experiences that are different from my own. Depression is so prevalent right now because human beings have gotten so far away from love and truth. There is that inner voice that *knows* without a doubt what the truth is. The difficult part is that the outside world is screaming things that make us feel bad about ourselves. The *truth*  and our *external experience* do not match up. Inside me, my voice is shouting,” I just want to be with loving people, sharing my life and experiences on a day to day basis.”  But the message we have learned is that we should be competitive with each other, we should be careful of the crazy people out there, we should not trust certain people, we should do this or that and we will be successful. All negative messages going against what the inner voice (which connects us all to each other, btw) is telling us. We get confused and start ignoring the truth within so that we can “fit in” with others. Our hearts are broken but we hide it, we learn to pretend that all is well. We learn to pretend that we are happy. We learn to hide how we feel for fear of being labeled weird or weak. How sad.

Once you start being who you really are, your depression will slowly start to go away

I am here to encourage you and to help you feel empowered! Yes, there are times when we have to “pretend” with certain people until we can get ourselves into another situation where healthier people are involved. However, most of the time people feel more connected and loving if you share your true self. Others are dying to be real with each other. Look at all of the positive stories happening in the world. Most people are loving and will do anything to help others. This is who we really are! Depression exists because we have gotten away from our truth. So many people have become like robots, just existing to get to the next day. No wonder so many people are depressed!!! I am here to encourage you to start doing one thing per day that helps you to start re-connecting with that truth inside you. Meditation, being in nature, going to a movie; whatever it is that you know makes you feel *good*. Who cares if someone else disagrees with your choice. We *all* hear the same loving messages, we all have a piece of the same thing within us that loves us unconditionally, we are all connected to each other, we are all here to help each other and love each other. Once you start being who you really are, your depression will slowly start to go away. Yes, there will be without a doubt times that you will need to just sit and allow your feelings of sadness or grief or despair to be there, and there will be times that you fall back into a deep dark hole. But the more you practice *feeling*, and the more you start surrounding yourself with people who *see* you and *hear* you, you will start remembering and then knowing without a doubt that all is well, and that you are loved.

Depression is not a disease

Depression is a way of being that came about because we are not living in the way that is true to who we really are. We have been conditioned to hate ourselves. When we start pretending to be something we are not, and we start acting in a way that goes against what our heart really wants, depression is right there waiting to set in. It is our body’s way of saying, “something is off!, something is not right! please listen to me, don’t change who you are!” There are also traumas, horrible situations, etc that will put someone into a deep depression. This is the same thing as I am saying above though-we must protect our hearts when horrible things happen, so we learn to pretend that we are not broken, that we are not hurt, that our hearts are not suffering and aching. Please know I am not saying this is just some simple thing you can just switch.  Becoming aware is the first and most important step. Become aware of what you are saying to yourself, and become aware of *why* you do and say the things you do and say. Is it habit? Do you really feel what you are saying is your truth? I want you to know that you can change, you can learn to nurture yourself in a way that will bring about self-love. Self-love happens when you listen to and follow your heart. When you start following your heart, your heart will lead you to remembering the truth of who you really are.

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Posted in Awareness, Connection, Depression, healing from depression, Kids/teenagers and depression, Meditation, Nurture yourself, Self-love | 1 Comment »

Attachment to depression

Written by Amie on September 4, 2009 – 12:06 am -

Point of reference

While I was driving today, this thought popped into my head, “I can see how it becomes comfortable to be attached to depression if you have been suffering with it for a long time.” This thought never would have occurred to me in the past when I was in the deep dark places that depression had taken me to. I was so wrapped up in trying to make it go away, that I really couldn’t think rationally. Now that I am in a good place most of the time, my brain is clearer, and I am able to see things in a “new light”, so to speak.  I was able to see and comprehend that this statement can very easily be true for many people. Of course, realising this doesn’t make the depression go away instantly, but at least it is one more point of reference in the healing process.

How do we describe ourselves?

I started thinking that if we suffer for years and years, depression can become a part of who we are when describing ourselves. It might be scary to think about who we would be without our depression. I know that there have been many times when I feel joy, and within a few seconds, the thought pops into my mind that says, “but you are depressed.” In the past, I would have listened to this voice, and my “bubble would have been burst.”  My rational mind would say, it’s okay to feel joy! In fact, that is your natural state of being.” However, the nasty negative voice has been in there longer, so I learned to listen to and believe it above all others.

Change can be scary

It can be scary at first when we change and grow. For me, there was a whole new mindset that I needed to adjust to. As I started healing from depression, I felt like a new person was emerging. I discovered all of the things about myself that I had kept hidden. I had forgotten about these parts of myself. There were many questions that came with this. Was my husband still going to love me if I change too much? Would I still have the same friends? How were things going to change in my life? When these questions took over my thought process, I would slip back into the dark places of  depression. The negative voice of untruth would convince me to fear all of these things and convince me to stay attached to the depression. It was safe, because I knew it, it was familiar.

Thanks, but no thanks

The negative voice would win because my true self wasn’t strong enough yet to overpower it. Slowly, my true self began getting stronger, and is now able to tell the negative voice, thanks, but no thanks. I felt like I was taking more responsibility for myself when I allowed myself to detach from the depression. I treat my depression like another person. In some ways, it really is another person, because it is the “self” that learned negative beliefs and thoughts about itself. I am who I am right now in this moment, which is exactly who I am supposed to be.  I am no longer that “self”, but that self still exists until I am able to completely let it go. I’m almost there I think. Most days, anyway!

Being Ourselves

It is not a bad thing to be attached to depression, it just is what it is. We will be able to completely let it go when we are ready to. As people heal from depression, they take back the power little by little that was given away. Therefore, it gives us more responsibility for ourselves, and more control over what we want to do with our lives. We rediscover what we love to do, we learn what things about our lives we want to change, we learn to stand up for ourselves and tell others where and what our boundaries are. All of these things give us our power back. As we take our power back, we learn to let go more and more of our attachment to depression. As we let go of the depression, self love shines through. When we heal the parts of us that cover up who we really are, our real “self” emerges. When we come from a place of our own truth, self love is abundant!

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Posted in Depression, Healing & personal growth, Self-love | No Comments »
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