Emotional pain in other people

Written by Amie on October 25, 2014 – 2:08 am -

Compassion

When I feel other people in emotional pain, it is really hard for me. I am highly sensitive. I know this is one reason why being around others’ emotional pain can be difficult at times.  It can be hard work sometimes protecting myself from taking on their energy. The other reason is that I have so much compassion for others, especially those in emotional pain. It is not an easy journey being stuck in emotional hell. I’ve been there, many many times. Sometimes it is really hard because while I feel their pain, I also see ways for them to heal it. I know they can’t “hear me” unless they are ready. Many people are not ready to face their true emotional pain, especially if there is a lot of trauma involved or abuse was part of their background. So, even though I know I could share ways to help them, I also know I can’t unless they ask and they are truly ready.

I could see the pain on this person’s face

I met with someone today who I have been estranged from for close to three years now. It was one of those times when I was really hoping this person was ready to face some of their pain, so that our relationship could be restored.  I was wrong. This person only wanted to prove they were “right”. It was frustrating and heartbreaking all at the same time. I could see the pain on this person’s face, feel the pain in their energy. And, I could do nothing for them. If I were to “agree” to their “rightness”, I would be giving away a part of myself, and I can’t do that anymore. So I had to walk away, probably for good, from someone who has been in my life since my birth. (minus the last three years. )Very sad. This person isn’t willing to be vulnerable and to really face the pain of their past, and the pain of what happened. They say they have, but I don’t see it in their actions. The same behavior is present, so how can things be any different?

It is also FREEING

Honestly, I can’t even be angry because I truly understand emotional pain and being afraid to feel it. I remember a time when I didn’t even realize my depression had deep roots in my emotional pain. I just thought depression was a “state” of mind, something that happened to people who were flawed. No, nobody is flawed. Ever. People are wounded. Often. More often than not. It takes great strength and courage to really face emotional pain. It IS painful. It is also FREEING. When we feel, we heal.

Actions always speak way louder than words

So now I truly have to completely let go of any hope that this relationship will get healthy. I pretty much knew that already, but now it is 100% clear to me. This person is stuck in their emotional wounding, and it is blocking them from healing so that their relationships today can be healthy. It is very sad. I am sad. I have more grieving to do. I must also grieve for what could have been. Years ago, I would have just given a part of myself away and gone back to the way things were. I love myself so much now that I won’t do it. I practice self care, which means setting healthy boundaries. This is healthy and not easy. It isn’t always easy because those who are stuck in their ways will tell you how wrong you are and that you aren’t listening to them, etc etc. And I say, “actions always speak way louder than words.” Being vulnerable is not easy. Feeling your pain is not easy. But it is SO worth it!

 

Here is a good video that talks about “the pain body” (accumulated emotional pain and trauma)

 

Share

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Connection, Healing & personal growth, Nurture yourself, Self-love | No Comments »

Your inner voice vs your outer experience

Written by Amie on July 16, 2011 – 1:30 am -

Our hearts are broken but we hide it, we learn to pretend that all is well

We have been taught that depression is an illness and it needs to be treated. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying it doesn’t, I’m just saying there is a different way to look at it.  I do not believe it is a “condition” that has to stay around forever. Many of us have been told depression should be treated like diabetes, etc. I don’t believe that. This is just my experience though, and I respect others’ experiences that are different from my own. Depression is so prevalent right now because human beings have gotten so far away from love and truth. There is that inner voice that *knows* without a doubt what the truth is. The difficult part is that the outside world is screaming things that make us feel bad about ourselves. The *truth*  and our *external experience* do not match up. Inside me, my voice is shouting,” I just want to be with loving people, sharing my life and experiences on a day to day basis.”  But the message we have learned is that we should be competitive with each other, we should be careful of the crazy people out there, we should not trust certain people, we should do this or that and we will be successful. All negative messages going against what the inner voice (which connects us all to each other, btw) is telling us. We get confused and start ignoring the truth within so that we can “fit in” with others. Our hearts are broken but we hide it, we learn to pretend that all is well. We learn to pretend that we are happy. We learn to hide how we feel for fear of being labeled weird or weak. How sad.

Once you start being who you really are, your depression will slowly start to go away

I am here to encourage you and to help you feel empowered! Yes, there are times when we have to “pretend” with certain people until we can get ourselves into another situation where healthier people are involved. However, most of the time people feel more connected and loving if you share your true self. Others are dying to be real with each other. Look at all of the positive stories happening in the world. Most people are loving and will do anything to help others. This is who we really are! Depression exists because we have gotten away from our truth. So many people have become like robots, just existing to get to the next day. No wonder so many people are depressed!!! I am here to encourage you to start doing one thing per day that helps you to start re-connecting with that truth inside you. Meditation, being in nature, going to a movie; whatever it is that you know makes you feel *good*. Who cares if someone else disagrees with your choice. We *all* hear the same loving messages, we all have a piece of the same thing within us that loves us unconditionally, we are all connected to each other, we are all here to help each other and love each other. Once you start being who you really are, your depression will slowly start to go away. Yes, there will be without a doubt times that you will need to just sit and allow your feelings of sadness or grief or despair to be there, and there will be times that you fall back into a deep dark hole. But the more you practice *feeling*, and the more you start surrounding yourself with people who *see* you and *hear* you, you will start remembering and then knowing without a doubt that all is well, and that you are loved.

Depression is not a disease

Depression is a way of being that came about because we are not living in the way that is true to who we really are. We have been conditioned to hate ourselves. When we start pretending to be something we are not, and we start acting in a way that goes against what our heart really wants, depression is right there waiting to set in. It is our body’s way of saying, “something is off!, something is not right! please listen to me, don’t change who you are!” There are also traumas, horrible situations, etc that will put someone into a deep depression. This is the same thing as I am saying above though-we must protect our hearts when horrible things happen, so we learn to pretend that we are not broken, that we are not hurt, that our hearts are not suffering and aching. Please know I am not saying this is just some simple thing you can just switch.  Becoming aware is the first and most important step. Become aware of what you are saying to yourself, and become aware of *why* you do and say the things you do and say. Is it habit? Do you really feel what you are saying is your truth? I want you to know that you can change, you can learn to nurture yourself in a way that will bring about self-love. Self-love happens when you listen to and follow your heart. When you start following your heart, your heart will lead you to remembering the truth of who you really are.

Share

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Awareness, Connection, Depression, healing from depression, Kids/teenagers and depression, Meditation, Nurture yourself, Self-love | 1 Comment »
RSS