Who am I? The truth

Written by Amie on March 22, 2012 – 2:32 am -

I will believe the truth about myself, no matter how beautiful it is

“I will believe the truth about myself, no matter how beautiful it is.” This is a song/chant I learned the other day. How does it make you feel when you read it? Was your first thought something along the lines of, “I can’t call myself beautiful, that sounds arrogant”…..  The first part of the chant sounds believable, right? Then you get to the second part, and the negative thoughts come? I love the way these words make me really question where my thoughts are in the moment, and how I am feeling about myself. Something happens when I say these words and I am forced to really think about what they mean to me. Depending on how I am feeling, the words elicit different feelings for me. The first time I heard this song, I was in a really great place emotionally, so I was able to take it in and feel the truth in my body. The words are true for each and every one of us, without question. Sometimes we just forget this truth. Did you know you were born beautiful on every level?

being depressed does not mean you are sick

The truth is, you are beautiful. You were born with a purpose. Your job is to discover that purpose. This is what I am working on right now. I believe I know my purpose. Now I am growing into the space of knowing how to utilize my purpose for the greater good. Once I came to the place of discovering who I am and discovering my purpose, other parts of my life became more clear. Before I finish that thought, I want to be clear on what I am saying here. I most definitely do not have “the answer”. I don’t believe anybody does. I also don’t believe we ever stop evolving and changing. So, just because I am no longer depressed, does not mean I have “the answer”.  Depression isn’t something we have to be “healed” from because being depressed does not mean you are sick, or that there is something terribly wrong with you. I need to keep saying that because the point I truly hope you take away from this is that there is nothing wrong with you if you are feeling depressed. Depression is a gift that will allow you to remember the truth of who you really are, IF you keep coming back to your truth and allowing that truth to speak.

 You are not broken, there is nothing wrong with you, and there is not “one answer”

Okay, now I can move on to the rest of my thoughts here. The part of my life that became more clear was the part that showed me that my job in this life is not to “fix myself”. I was not broken, and neither are you. I promise you. Your job is not to “fix” yourself, as you are not broken. Your job is not to find that one answer that will finally bring happiness to your life. Your job is not to finally figure out “what is wrong with you”, so that your depression will go away. You are not broken, there is nothing wrong with you, and there is not “an answer”. But, don’t listen to me, listen to you. You *do* have all of the answers inside you right now. You really do. Because, guess what? You can believe the truth about yourself, no matter how beautiful it is. Because, the truth *is* so very beautiful!!! You are one part of the whole, and something is missing when you don’t show up as yourself. The good news is that “the whole” is very patient. It will keep nudging you until you remember the truth of who you really are. And, when you are ready, you will *feel* your beauty, and you will know, without a doubt, that yes, you are beautiful.

I *knew* something was wrong with me

When I was in a deep depression, I *knew* without a doubt that there was something flawed about me (or so I “thought”). I knew something was wrong with me  (or so I “thought”). I know now that these are both thoughts, not truths. These are thoughts about myself that I bought into without even knowing I was buying into them. They seeped into my being from outside sources and experiences. Now I know, *without a doubt* that even in my deepest darkest “depression”, there was nothing wrong with me, and I was most definitely not flawed. I know this for sure. The reason I was depressed was because my truth was hidden from me. All of the thoughts and conditioning I received were covering my truth. I was buying into (unknowingly) the lies about myself and I didn’t know to question these thoughts. The truth is that I am one part of the whole, I am perfect as I am, and I am beautiful.  And, I am not arrogant for saying that. The thoughts, beliefs, and conditioning I received have nothing to do with who I really am.  I find it so sad that we have been taught to tone ourselves down, or dim our light, so to speak. To show our true selves does not make us arrogant! Showing our true selves makes us who we really are…exactly what the world needs….for everyone to show their true beauty and strength.

Whenever I hide a part of who I am, I am short changing everyone, especially myself

I learned to stop searching for an answer that doesn’t exist. Instead, I learned to speak my truth as often as possible, and to process my feelings as they arise. Of course, this doesn’t mean saying every single thing that comes to mind! I just mean that I want speaking my truth to be the norm, even if those around me don’t particularly like it. My journey unfolds exactly as it is supposed to as long as I am willing to stay with the truth of each moment. This may not always be possible, so I don’t want to give the impression that I think I stay in the moment every single moment of my life. I’m sure I don’t, but I do know that I am now aware of when I stay in the moment and when I leave it (sometimes after the fact I realize I chose to leave the moment). I am a work in progress, and always will be. Whenever I hide a part of who I am, I am short changing everyone, especially myself.

the depression I experienced was a long term, chronic feeling of worthlessness and hopelessness

When I thought I was “healing my depression”, what I was really doing was remembering my true self. So, this is what I mean when I say there is nothing wrong with you if you are feeling depressed. The word depressed is just a word used to describe the feeling we feel when our soul is screaming out in pain. Our soul is screaming to us that we are not living an authentic life. We are hiding our truth, and we are believing the thoughts and conditioning we received verbally and non-verbally over the years. (Just to clarify, there are other circumstances for depression, usually termed “situational depression”, but I am talking about chronic depression that doesn’t seem to have a “cause”). I am talking about when you feel as though your life doesn’t matter, and it is almost too painful to want to continue hanging out here. Again, this can be a feeling one has, due to the death of a loved one, a painful break up etc. The depression I have experience with was a long term, chronic feeling of worthlessness and hopelessness. Years of this. I just want to clarify. I know and feel the truth of who I am.  I know that there was not something inherently wrong with me. And I know there is not something inherently wrong with you. I think depression is your incredibly intelligent body and soul telling you that you are beautiful, and that it is time for you to remember this.

Stop looking everywhere else, and focus on what you feel 

 I am hoping this will encourage you to stop the search for the magic answer because it truly doesn’t exist. The magic answer I can give you is that your life in unfolding exactly as it should be. I can tell you that if you are willing to dig around inside yourself, and feel the truth(not the lies and dysfunction you have been conditioned with) , you are on your way to remembering the truth of who you are. I am saying you are not broken, so you don’t need to be fixed. If you allow yourself to FEEL all of your truth as it presents itself to you, you will begin seeing and remembering your beautiful self. Depression is a wake up call, and if you listen to it and you are gentle with yourself, you will be rewarded with looking in the mirror and seeing the most beautiful person you have ever seen! You will see the best version of yourself you have ever seen! I am not talking about physically. I am talking about the whole package; physical, emotional, and spiritual. Inner that matches the outer. Whole. You will be back to the perfection you were born with. This is what every single person deserves. Stop looking everywhere else, and focus on what you feel inside. I am not saying this work is easy, because the truth is not always easy. It will be painful at times. But it is so worth it.

“There are no extra pieces in the universe. Everyone is here because he or she has a place to fill and every piece must fit itself into the big jigsaw puzzle.”—Deepak Chopra

 

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Overcoming depression; the magic answer

Written by Amie on August 27, 2011 – 12:43 am -

You will be depressed until you listen to your truth, become aware of your thoughts, and honor your needs

So, there is no “magic” fix when it comes to overcoming depression. The fact is, our world has taught us to repress and ignore how we really feel. And we have learned that we are bad if we have emotions and if we have needs. So, in other words, we have been taught to not be humans! We have learned to hate ourselves if we have needs. Most people don’t even acknowledge that they have needs! As I always say, if you ignore your truth, depression will hang around. You will be depressed until you listen to your truth, become aware of your thoughts, and honor your needs. If you want to overcome depression, stop looking for a quick fix. There is not one. Becoming human again is the starting point. Finding a classical homeopath can be a life saver. Learning meditation helps enormously. Becoming aware of the thoughts you tell yourself is huge! Questioning everything you believe is a must! Don’t believe everything you think!  Say what is true for you, even if you think others won’t like it! That is their problem, not yours! They have a journey too. Let them have it. You control your journey, that’s the only one. Love yourself…or at least begin loving yourself today. Nurture what is true for you.

Prescription medications can help temporarily

Our society has taught us to expect a “quick fix” for just about everything.  Just take a pill to make it go away. If I have learned one thing through the process of overcoming depression, it is this: there is no magic fix. You must face your truth and go through the process of looking inside yourself in order to get to the other side of depression. Prescription medications can help temporarily, or they may even get you to a point you feel is “good enough”. Good enough meaning you can get through your days and feel “sort of okay”. Each individual has their own journey and their own timing. Some people decide that being able to function each day is enough, and they continue this way until the day they die. Others want to feel more alive and more authentic and more connected to those around them.  Just functioning was not enough for me. I wanted more.

I tried anti-depressants.

They helped temporarily. When I say they helped, that means they gave me a small boost in serotonin and I was able to function. However, the down side was that I felt numb to my emotions. In other words, I didn’t feel alive or human. I didn’t like this. So, I started down the route of alternatives. I have tried acupuncture, homeopathy,therapy, exercise, meditation, cranio-sacral therapy, herbal remedies, reiki, massage, and the list goes on. All of them had benefit. I can honestly say that the most helpful things for me are meditation, homeopathy, therapy, massage, and exercise. But again, they all have benefits. Here is the bottom line that I have discovered. I could give 25 people the same exact tools, and their journeys would each look different. Because the truth is, we all must do our own healing work at our own pace. Each of us has a unique story to our life. The one thing we all have in common and the thing we must all do in order to overcome depression is that we must allow ourselves to feel our true emotions. If you acknowledge and honor your true emotions, you can heal your depression.


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