Mothering and nurturing myself; discovering self-love and kindness

Written by Amie on November 1, 2013 – 1:45 am -

“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”~Buddha

Why is it that it is so much easier to be kind to others when they are suffering, but that kindness does not come as easily when we are the ones suffering? I am getting better at this. I was going through a very intense emotional experience last week. I discovered the most helpful way through it was to mother and nurture myself as I felt my emotions and experienced my body sensations. I felt nurturing kindness for myself. Many years ago, I would not have done this. Instead I would have tried to avoid feeling my emotions, while at the same time berating myself for getting so upset. I would have *known* there was something wrong with me. When I think about how unkind I was to myself, I feel sad. I feel so grateful that my self compassion has grown, and my response is now self-love and kindness. It was the most wonderful feeling. I truly felt loved, and I *knew* I was not alone, even though physically I was alone.

It was painful emotionally

I want to share my process with you because I want you to know that it is very possible to be alone and not feel lonely. It is possible to be alone with your grief but yet feel nurtured and mothered and loved. I want to share this with you because I want to spread the joy of discovering that when we allow ourselves to truly *feel*, without going into the story, or the drama, or the details, it really is possible to move through the emotions, to truly get through them to the other side. And on the other side of them is an incredible feeling of peace.I felt so peaceful in fact, that I asked myself if that was truly possible. And since I am a doubter at heart, I even questioned if I was just in denial. So far, I don’t think I am in denial, but I suppose time will tell. I want to clarify that I went through days of crying and feeling and moments I had to remind myself to breathe. I don’t want this to sound as though it was a party and a celebration, it wasn’t. It was painful emotionally. But I truly suffered if I allowed myself to get caught in listening to the story that tried to play out in my mind.When I listen to the story, I am distracted from my emotions and my bodily sensations. When I get distracted, the emotions get caught in my body, which means they will come back in other situations until I fully allow them to flow and be felt.

Anger is a “catch all” for emotions

Becoming aware of emotions is the starting point. It took me years to really *get this*. I thought “feeling my emotions” meant telling the story of what happened, becoming angry and often blaming someone, and usually staying in the anger without feeling what was under the anger. Anger is a sign that something is off, but it isn’t the actual emotion. It covers up the true emotions, the ones we might be afraid to feel. For example, we might be feeling grief or disappointment, sadness or loneliness, etc. Anger is a “catch all” for emotions. It feels powerful because it is a warning sign to us. But all too often, we stay in anger rather than dig beneath it. Often times, the anger is aimed at ourselves. We may shame ourselves by telling ourselves how stupid we were to not “see” what someone was doing to us, we may beat ourselves up with words. All of these things distract us from feeling our truth in the moment. In order to really feel emotions, we must stay present with our body sensations and our breath.

What am I feeling in my body?

I noticed that when I was crying and feeling sick in my stomach, I also felt a strong pain in my neck going down to my shoulder. I have had this in the past, and I did finally link it to old emotional pain that has been stuck there for a very long time. Once I became aware of this, I was able to talk to the pain, talk to myself. I was able to “mother” myself and nurture myself. I told my pain, “its ok, I have you, you are safe. Let it out, release this hurt now, you are safe.” I held my hand gently on my neck where the pain was, and I kept saying over and over, “you are safe, its okay to let go of this now.” I reminded myself to breathe, this is very important. It was incredible observing what happened. The pain would subside, and I would have some relief. I would cry more. The pain would return, and I would repeat the same process until it mostly went away. I knew instinctively that it was grief I was dealing with. Grief for many emotions that had been stuck in my body. Years of emotions, as well as past traumas being held in my body. Speaking kindly to myself was like talking to a scared child, reassuring her that it is safe to feel now. I was taking care of that little girl so that she was finally able to let go of the past that was holding her in fear.

“mothering” voice made me feel safe

I realize this process is not easy, especially when you might be accustomed to berating and being unkind to yourself like I used to be. But please give this a try. It feels so much better than the judgmental, mean, conditioned voice I had in the past. This loving, kind, gentle, “mothering” voice made me feel safe. I felt safe enough to let go of things that were holding me back. I felt completely nurtured and held in the arms of a divine loving energy, which is also myself.

 

 

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Posted in Awareness, Depression, Healing & personal growth, healing from depression, Help with depression, Nurture yourself, Self-love | 2 Comments »

The world has been missing you; begin your journey to discovering the real you

Written by Amie on November 13, 2012 – 2:20 am -

you will start feeling better the minute you decide to start listening to your inner voice

It is exciting to hear about so many people waking up to discover who they really are. I love the thought of people waking up to realize their depression can be “fixed”. Believe me, I know how bad depression can feel, and I know how sometimes it feels as though you will never feel better and what is the point? I am here to say, “please hang in there, you will start feeling better the minute you decide to start listening to your inner voice”. We are living in an exciting time. Trust me, I know it doesn’t feel that way. It feels pretty chaotic right now. I describe it as the storm before the calm. I have been feeling heavy energy for a few months now. My belief is that we, as humans, are waking up at an accelerated speed. Depression is high, anxiety feels unbearable, and people seem to have temporary insanity! lol It is temporary, I do believe that. I have been a witness to several people waking up to realize that all they thought was true really isn’t. It is disheartening for them at first, then they may feel angry, and then they figure out a new way of “being”. And then they wonder why the heck didn’t anyone tell them about this whole other way of being? The answer to that is they weren’t ready until now.

you are depressed because you have buried yourself

Why am I talking about this? Because I want to reassure those who are suffering deeply right now that things will get better and easier. This is true if you are willing to look inside yourself and listen. This is true if you are willing to acknowledge those feelings that you think others may disagree with or may dislike. This is true if you decide that you deserve love, you deserve to be nurtured, and you deserve to express yourself exactly as you need to (assuming you are not intentionally hurting others, or physically hurting others!) I want to add that telling the truth to someone may cause them to blame you for “hurting them”. This is not what I mean  by intentionally hurting others. It is your right to express your truth. How another person responds to you is their truth. If you are willing to look at your life and be honest about the things that are bringing you down, you can begin to find the true soul that has been buried deep within you. You are depressed because you have buried yourself. Remember, it is perfectly understandable why you did this. You did it to protect yourself. At some point in your life, you came to the conclusion that you needed to protect yourself from being hurt by others. You have built in protection, and your body and mind knew exactly what to do so that you could cope with your life.

it is okay to feel angry

Depression is your soul’s way of screaming to you that it wants to be seen. And heard. It is tired of being beat up. You learned to beat yourself up for things that were out of your control. There are so many dysfunctional adults in our world, and they pass along messages of self-hate to their children. They really don’t do this intentionally. It happens because it is too painful for them to get help. It is okay to feel angry at the people in your life who conditioned you to believe there was something wrong with you. It isn’t always productive to express this to them, in my experience. If they have not grown emotionally, then it is mostly a waste of time and energy to tell them how you feel. So, in my experience, it is most helpful to work through these issues with a therapist or people who are also growing, and who see you and accept you and nurture you for who you are. You will truly be shocked at what you have been believing about yourself and those in your life. You will come to see that most of the thoughts in your head are just not true, and they came from other people. You will slowly begin to start questioning why you do everything you do, where your beliefs came from, and who your true self really is. Your depression will begin to fade as you begin to let your voice be heard. You will start to only allow those people in your life that truly support and encourage you to be your true self. You may discover how much you actually hate certain things you have been telling yourself you should love. Resentment will begin to be felt, and this is normal. You may be resentful that you  were conditioned to believe things that simply weren’t true.

discovering who you are is a process

Discovering your true self is an exciting process! It is the process children should be living as a normal rite of passage. Someday, this will be reality. But right now, at this point in the evolution of humans, this is where we are. We are waking up to see that we have been conditioned to hide so as to fit in or appear as though we have it all together.  Well, I say, give yourself permission to begin your process of discovering who you are. The world has been missing you! Start right now. Start by writing down some of the thoughts going through your head for ten minutes. Question them. If you think they are true, make yourself prove it. Pick one nice thing to say to yourself, and repeat it each time you say something negative. Repeat it, repeat it, and repeat it again, even when you don’t believe it. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself, “I love you”, even if it doesn’t feel true and you feel goofy saying it. Do that as many times a day as you are willing, but do it at least once. Do one thing a day that feels nurturing to you. Take a walk, light a candle and sit in silence, watch a movie. Do something that feels good. Learn to meditate. There is no “right way”. Oprah had an interview with Deepak Chopra a week or so ago that teaches beginning meditation. And, guess what, you can start by sitting for one minute a day. It is easy to feel afraid to start something new. I understand this, especially when you are feeling really low. I get it, I promise you. But I also know that meditation changed my life. It can change yours too. And, it has nothing to do with religion, if that is an issue for you.

there is nothing wrong with you

So……I want you to know…there is nothing wrong with you…..and there is nothing wrong with you because you are suffering with depression right now……depression is just covering up the real you because you were conditioned to hide your truth. You true self is waiting to be re-discovered. Your true self is how you were born. I promise you…..you are loved….you are perfect exactly as you are…and your depression will begin to lift as soon as you being to look at your truth. Depression can be debilitating, I know from experience. I also know that I am more alive and more authentic than ever before in my life. I want to give you hope, because I *know* without one shred of doubt, that you can feel alive and happy and authentic too. Is it an easy road? Not always, I won’t lie to you. But is it worth it? HELL YES!!!!!

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Posted in Depression, Healing & personal growth, healing from depression, Help with depression, Meditation, Nurture yourself, Self hate | No Comments »
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