Rediscover the spark of life you were born with

Written by Amie on June 7, 2012 – 1:07 am -

You have the power to change the course of your life

In order for life to begin flowing through you again, you must learn to listen to that voice that tells you, “No! I don’t like this”, or “I don’t want to do this anymore”, or, “I really don’t enjoy this experience”, or “I really love being with this person”, or “I really love doing xyz.” Start honoring that voice! *That* voice is your spark of life, and once you open up to it, it will lead you to experiences that are for your highest good! You will start becoming aware of opportuities you may not have noticed before. We are all energy, and we must let our spark of life force energy flow through us in order for us to feel alive and healthy. If you are shut down to life, you are shut down to everyone, everything, and all opportunities for growth. If you are shut off from your life energy, your flow of aliveness, you can’t feel anything. You turn off your truth. This is the reason depression is rampant! You have been conditioned to shut down who you really are in order to become someone or something that is “more acceptable” in the eyes of the society around you. It is normal to feel very angry about this!!! It happens within our families as well. We have to turn off who we are in order to be what our family needs us to be. And, since the majority of people come from dysfunctional families, (sorry, but I believe that statement to be true),we must learn to adapt to the dysfunction of the family. We receive messages about ourselves based on the level of dysfunction our parents and past generations have. This in’t anybody’s fault, it has just been the evolution of humanity up to this point. But the key now is to BECOME AWARE! You have the power to change the course of your life, which also has the potential to change the course of your family! Awareness is the beginning! Don’t let people tell you that because so many people in your family are depressed, you must be too, and that you will just have to learn to live with it! That is a bunch of crap! Sorry, but it is! That is part of the dysfunction! Keep doing the same things, and we get the same results.

We received messages from many sources that told us who we really are was not acceptable

Earlier today I was remembering how closed off I felt from everything in life when I was in a deep depression. I was closed off to many people, most experiences, and really to life itself. It may not have looked that way to someone looking in from the outside. It looked like I was happy.  I didn’t realize how I had shut myself off from feeling anything at all.  All I knew is that I felt lifeless. I was just going through the motions of what I thought it meant to “be normal”.   We are all born with a spark of life energy. When I was depressed, that energy could no longer flow through me. Let me explain more. When a person is depressed, they become shut off from life energy. It is not uncommon for this to happen. If a person is severely depressed, their main goal is just to get through the day. So, life energy is shut off. When I say “life energy”, I mean “who you were really meant to be”. As children we lived in the moment, at least for a short time, hopefully. As we grew older, we received messages from many sources that told us who we really are was not acceptable, that we needed to be a certain way in order to live within the society we live in. So, slowly, our true self, the one we were born to be, started being covered up by who we thought we were supposed to be. Many people can continue on this way for the rest of their lives, basically just living, but not really being “alive”. There is a huge difference! Going through the motions of daily life, doing what we need to do to get by, this is not being alive! This is existing!

You always have a choice 

I did this for years. Many people do it. It is the norm of what we are taught is “the way to be”. Go here, do this, get this, do this, have these things, be this kind of person, say this, don’t say that…..etc etc….basically it is like being a robot who may or may not smile occasionally. Living this way means not having any time to feel anything. Keep yourself so busy and so focused on what has to be done next, that there is no time to tune into your inner life. It is always there, it never goes away. But it does get quiet if you never pay any attention to it. You were born with a spark of pure life energy! This is so exciting to me! It can never be taken from you, not ever! So, that is the great news! You always have a choice to look within to rediscover the spark of life that resides within you. No matter how old you are, no matter what you have been through, no matter how depressed you are or for how long, you can choose at any moment to reconnect with that spark of life within you! Being numb to life is a survival tool; a coping mechanism. When we are younger, we have to do this to survive our daily life if we don’t have anyone supporting the truth of who we really are. When we get older and have the freedom to live life our own way, we have to start questioning everything we were conditioned to believe about ourselves. I mean every single thing!!!!

dig deeper inside and really be honest about how fulfilled and connected you feel to life

There is a cure for depression, and it is called saying “no” to all of the BS we have been conditioned to believe. It is standing up and saying, *THIS* is who I really am, and *THIS* is how I am going to live my life. These are the things *I* believe, and I am going to live my life accordingly. Too bad if family members or friends don’t like it or disagree! It is your life, not theirs. Do you feel my passion?lol This is a very passsionate subject for me. Do you know why? Because I am in love with the person I found inside myself that I had forgotten about for what feels like a million years! I had to go through a lot of anger over the subject of ,”I can’t believe I had to hide this beauty for so many years. I have so much to offer this world, and so many years I had to hide that.” SO, please listen to me when I say that your depression is covering up an extraordinary, magnificent being!!! You are depressed because all of those negative experiences, messages, traumas, beliefs…all of the times you felt forced to conform so that you could fit in….are stuck in your body, and they overrule your true self right now. They have been in control for far too long.

Throw them away! Let them go!

These are the blocks to your inner beauty. Start little by little questioning every single thing you think in every single minute. Are they true?? Unless they are positive thoughts about yourself or things that lead to your growth, then they need to be disguarded. Throw them away! Let them go. Be gentle on yourself, this is not always an easy process. Little by little, your magnificence will emerge!!! Don’t believe the sayings, “this is the way I have always been,” or “my life is ok, I have food, clothes, shelter, and a family”……dig deeper inside and really be honest about how fulfilled and connected you feel. If there is emptiness and loneliness, your true life energy is turned way down. Become aware of what dreams or thoughts make you feel butterflies in your stomach, even if that dream feels impossible. Keep thinking about those things. Not in a way that you have to figure out right this second how to get them, just keeping them alive in you. *That* feeling is your truth, that feeling is *life* itself, that feeling is what you deserve to be feeling every single day! Really, I promise! It is possible, and it *will* happen, when you begin your journey of awareness. Question, question, question!!!!!

A video from Gangaji about self hatred:

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Suppressing inner beauty and truth

Written by Amie on December 27, 2011 – 2:23 am -

holding in those sensitive, heartfelt feelings I feel

I had another a-ha moment the other day. I have had the same one before, but this felt like it reached a much deeper level of a-ha. (haha) I was getting ready to send a note back to someone who sent me an e-mail. I wanted my note to reflect the sincere heartfelt feelings I felt at that moment. Instead, I found myself questioning whether or not to send my note back exactly as I wanted it. For about 30 seconds my mind told me not to send my note as I had written because the other person might think I am being insincere (because it might sound “too nice”), or they may think I am weird for saying the words I wanted to say, or they may think I am wanting something in return from them. Wow, where did all of this come from, I asked myself. I went ahead and sent the note exactly as it came to me. Then, I pondered the messages I heard in my mind. It took about a minute to realize they were a part of my conditioning. I learned to protect my inner truth by holding in those sensitive, heartfelt feelings I feel when someone or something brings joy to my life. I had learned to cover up my heartfelt emotions when I witness something beautiful, witness someone expressing kindness to another person, hear a beautiful story, see a beautiful piece of art, hear a beautiful piece of music, or feel a deep connection with another person.

how deeply I feel things

I felt very sad about this realization. This a-ha moment felt like it hit a deeper level than when I discovered it a few years ago. A few years ago I came into the truth of seeing how deeply I feel things. Up until that point I believed the conditioned message that I was “too sensitive”, and that there was something weird about me for caring deeply for others (all living beings). I learned to shut down my inner truth so I would appear to be “like everyone else!” Sad. The other day I got to the deeper understanding of why I really needed to shut this side of me down. I was able to step back to see this as another way of protecting myself. I learned that when I show my true self-the one who is sensitive and compassionate and awake to others, most people could not meet me at that place in my heart. Everyone is on a different place in their journey, and sometimes seeing someone else’s truth can make a person feel too vulnerable. I understand this reaction. So, why would I want to continue giving away my sacred inner truth to people who aren’t capable of really “seeing” me? In order to protect this part of me, I had to learn to shut it off.

I don’t care what anyone else thinks of me 

I feel so much gratitude for the awareness I have at this point in my life. I feel so grateful for the change in my thinking that allows me to “see” those comments I was telling myself about worrying what someone will think of me. The truth is, I don’t care what anyone else thinks of me anymore. It is not my problem if someone thinks I am being “too nice”, or “too sensitive”. Those reactions are not really about *me*, they are the other person’s issue to deal with. Everyone is on a different place in their journey, and some people are not able to meet others in a place of open-heartedness (is that even a word?! It is now!). It can feel very scary for some people. I understand that, and I respect that. However, it will not stop me from being who I am and who I need to be. If I feel like telling someone I love them or that I appreciate them, I will do that. It is up to them how they respond to me. And, it is up to me how *I* respond to their response. Hope that makes sense!

Gaining self-love by showing inner beauty to those I trust

Over the past couple of years, I have started really trusting certain people with my inner beauty. I have learned to show my inner self to the outer world. I am careful who I show myself to however. When I meet people, I do so with an open heart and with love, but if I don’t feel safe around them, I will not show them the fullness of my heart. So, although I am very open to people, I also conserve my energy for only those I trust and feel safe being vulnerable with. I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but I also go by the very true quote by Maya Angleou that says, “The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.” So, it is possible to live with an open heart, but to protect yourself at the same time. I will not be open with someone who doesn’t care to see me as I am. It is that simple. I will give with all of my heart to those who are willing to be vulnerable and are willing to honor my inner beauty and truth. If there are people in your life who are not able to see you and accept you exactly as you are, it may be time to question whether or not they are deserving enough to be in your life.

 

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