No more New Year’s Resolutions for me; I use this Intention worksheet

Written by Amie on January 1, 2010 – 7:11 pm -

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Realistic Intentions

In my women’s group last year we used this Intention worksheet to help us decide what we would like to focus on for the new year. In the past, New Year’s Resolutions always made me feel bad. I would set the expectations too high, and then forget about them altogether. This worksheet was very helpful to me, and helped me remain realistic with my intentions. This process is completely different than New Year’s Resolutions.  To access the worksheet, go to the top of my homepage and click on, “Self-love and Intention Worksheets”.

 

 

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Holiday anxiety or am I really insane?!

Written by Amie on November 25, 2009 – 1:43 am -

Happy, joyful and content

It still amazes me what a huge heart I have for other people who are suffering and for animals who are suffering. Everyone but myself. I am able to have compassion for myself at times, just not when I am feeling even slightly depressed. I cry for animals that look lost or are being treated badly. I have to leave a store if  a baby is crying and not being attended to. If I am feeling depressed and I am suffering through it, I forget about compassion. Once I feel better, I can see I was harsh on myself and I deserve compassion. When I am feeling happy, joyful and content, I am full of self-love. But, when I need it most, I have to be reminded again and again to cut myself a break and have compassion for myself.

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The internal war

I know it is like a test for myself. A depression hits for a few days, like right now around the holidays, and my self compassion goes out the window! It is aggravating, and I thought  by now I would catch on to the pattern! I say that in a loving way, not judgmental. Really, I do!  At least I am aware of beating myself up I suppose. Awareness is key. I am still working on the judgmental voice that creeps in at the slightest dark spot. It is there waiting in the shadows for me to give it a tiny opening. It is that internal war again. Me against my inner bitch again. Right when I think I kicked her out, she reappears, and she doesn’t knock. She sneaks in when I am down. I don’t usually see her coming, but I am very aware of her once she is here. I talk to her alot, and not in a nice way. I am as mean to her as I am to myself. Hence, the war.

Am I insane?

Sounds a bit crazy, but can you relate? This is when I nearly convince myself that I am insane! On the brink of falling off the edge. I keep telling the mean person to leave, she is not welcome anymore, and eventually she does. What a process this is! I try to quiet my mind, and she shouts even louder. It is getting easier to quiet her, but man, I just keep thinking she should be gone! Is this going to be an on-going thing for the rest of my life? Maybe….I guess I will just be with her each time she visits. I just have to practice my skills of not being a friendly host. I have to remind her who is in charge now. And meditate often!!!! The silence….well…..that’s where my peace of mind is.

Holiday anxiety

So I ask myself, why am I feeling depressed when the holidays are coming up? It feels chaotic and I start to feel out of sorts. By this I mean disconnected from myself. We don’t really even have a big huge production for the holidays, but I still feel a pressure, a chaos running amok inside myself. It is very difficult for me to stay connected to myself. This is a very strange process for me. I want my children to have wonderful memories of the holidays, but at the same time, I have this inner war going on inside me. I take time each day to meditate and rein myself back in, but I feel like I need to be meditating for about four hours a day, which I haven’t been able to do! My instinct is to want to run away and hide until it is all over, but again, not happening.  In the meantime, I will be as present as I possibly can, and hang signs all around me that remind me to be compassion to ME. I will keep saying mantras to myself until I feel better again. I will be shocked again at how I can go from being so mean to myself one day, and then full of forgiveness and self-love when the depression subsides. Ahhhh, the mysteries of being human. I remind myself that my job is to find ways to open my heart just a bit more each day. When I open my heart, I find joy, love, and tenderness for myself and for others.

State of Grace

 

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