Let your emotions out, people!

Written by Amie on October 8, 2009 – 1:06 am -

The movie The Invention of Lying

I saw a movie tonight called The Invention Of  Lying. It was nothing like I thought it would be, and I am still trying to figure out exactly what I thought of it! I walked away scratching my head, but at the same time, it got my wheels spinning. The short of it was nobody knew how to lie. Until one day a man discovered lying. He was the only one who knew how to lie. Everybody believed every single thing  people said to them. Most of the people seemed depressed and lonely, which is another conversation in itself. One thing I thought about after the movie was how easy it is to believe everything that is said to us personally.  We are born not knowing how to lie, or to exaggerate the truth. Soon, we learn telling the truth doesn’t always get us a positive response, so lying begins. We start to believe what others tell us about ourselves, yet we learn to doubt the messages inside us, the ones telling us the truth about ourselves. The stories don’t match up, but yet we keep hearing the external messages so often we soon forget to listen to the internal connection we have.

Are you telling the truth?

The movie was a catalyst for pondering, no doubt. It also made me think about the people that are smiling saying everything is great, but really suffering in silence. There was a guy in the movie that was depressed and suicidal. Since he couldn’t lie, he just came right out and talked about it. This struck a chord with me because my brother did commit suicide. I knew that he was suffering, but had no idea how badly. This makes me wonder so many things. The biggest thing I wonder is why in the world are people taught that sharing their truth with others is somehow a bad thing?  We are taught that having any kind of emotions is really not OK. You do that in private, by yourself. Suffer in silence. Kids are sent to time out because they are showing emotion. Maybe in the form of a temper tantrum, but that is the only way they know how to express how frustrated they are! So from a young age, many people are taught that expressing their emotions is bad, and it also makes them weak. Expressing emotions is something that can be bothersome to others. I wonder how many people are walking around suffering? I can’t even imagine the amount.

liv shouting

Let your emotions out people!

So, I am here to say, “let your emotions out people!!” I say this with a smile! Seriously, what do we have to lose? Fight those voices that are telling you something is wrong with you, or the voices telling you how lazy you are or the voices asking, “how could you do that”? I say tell those voices to go jump in a lake without a life jacket. Corny? Sure, but you have to have a sense of humor when you talk to the voices in your head, they are not always rational!   As nice as it is to  get gifts, I don’t want anymore dysfunctional gifts, thank you very much. So, here is something to remember, if someone tries to give you a negative message or belief, you can say thanks, but no thanks, even if you say it just to yourself.

Messages you were born with

Here are some of the messages that I want to be coursing through my mind, and ones I put there myself when I need to feel nurtured. At this point, I am beyond caring how this sounds! I know I can’t be the only one out there who needs to hear nurturing beliefs. When I was part of a women’s healing circle, we each came up with things we needed to hear. So, hopefully this will be a gift to you that you can take in and let in to your belief system. The thoughts we were born with that got drowned out. I am saying these to you even though I can’t see you, but I hope that you can feel them. Let them sink in to your cells. Make up your own. Write down things you really need to hear, and say them out loud to yourself.

The truth

You are perfect exactly as you are. I hear you. I see you. I believe you. Who you are is what matters most. I care about you. I respect you. I love you for who you are. I support you. This is just a start……what do you need to hear from the voices inside your head?

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Take charge of your emotions

Written by Amie on October 2, 2009 – 11:54 pm -

You can’t make me feel a certain way

The quote, “Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent”,  by Eleanor Roosevelt was one of my favorites at the beginning of my healing process. It made me realize that I can’t “make” anyone feel anything, nor can anyone “make” me feel anything. I am in charge of how I feel, and I get to decide what my reaction is to what people say to me. As an adult, I take charge of my emotions and reactions to what others say to me. I had to learn how to “not take things personally” when someone would say something to me that felt as though they were attacking something about who I am. In reality, when someone says something hurtful to me, I can see that it is more about them than it is about me.  Also, quite frequently when someone says something that hurts me, they don’t even realize they are being hurtful. It is sometimes my story that makes me feel bad. I am assuming that I know what they meant by something, and I tell myself a story that matches that. This makes me suffer. Instead, I can tell myself that maybe they meant something else entirely, or maybe they are shut down to their own feelings. When I am taking charge of my reactions, I can choose how I want to deal with situations that are hurtful to me. There are more options open to me when I am present with my reactions. It still takes work for me to stay present with my reactions. I try to practice conscious awareness, and listening to the stories and thoughts going through my head. It is empowering knowing that my stories are stories and I am in charge of what to do next.

My reaction is my choice

It feels good knowing I have control over what I choose to think. And, it feels even better knowing that I can express myself without the fear of thinking I make anyone feel anything. Obviously, I am not talking about saying intentionally mean spirited things to people. I am talking about responsible, healthy shows of emotion. For years I held back feelings and thoughts because I thought they would hurt another persons feelings. I thought it was my fault if someone reacted in a negative way to something I said or to a feeling I expressed. It was a very long process, and one I am still working on. I talk to myself often! I have to remind myself that expressing emotions is healthy, holding them back for fear of another persons reaction is not healthy. When we hide who we really are for fear of another persons reaction, depression sets in. Many of us are able to “act” as though things are fine, but if we are hiding our truth underneath the facade, depression is present on some level. This has been my experience, anyway. Suppressing truth invites depression.

No more just keeping the peace

Once I learned that I can’t control how someone decides to react to my emotions, thoughts, and beliefs, I felt a freedom awaken in me. I felt a sense of relief that it really is OK to be who I am. The message I learned previously was to hold back who I was in order to “keep the peace”. What a relief to know the only reason I was doing this was because I learned to be the good girl, to go along with what others wanted from me, instead of listening to my heart and following what felt true for me. I learned to be afraid of what others thought of me. I would judge myself through the reactions I received from those around me. My emotions were based on how other people saw me, and what they said to me.

Guilt, shame and anger

Discovering the fact that no matter what someone says to me, it is up to me how I respond, I can never be a victim of someones words. It really is true that nobody can make me feel inferior without my consent. Nor can they “make” me feel anger,guilt,shame, etc. I may still feel these emotions at times, but now I know it is in my control as to what I do with these feelings. I took responsibility for my thoughts and feelings, and I also gave back the responsibility for other’s feelings to their rightful owner. What a relief to know that I can’t control another persons feelings! I am responsible for my own emotions and reactions, and other people have the same responsibility for theirs. I felt as though a weight was lifted off me.  I know that I can express myself in a healthy way, and others can as well. I am not responsible for their reactions to me! I am not responsible for the way anybody else reacts and I am not responsible for their feelings!

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