Who has your back?

Written by Amie on August 30, 2012 – 1:43 am -

Feeling emotionally safe

I have been thinking a lot lately about feeling safe in the world. By this, I mean emotionally safe. It took me a very long time to realize that I hadn’t really felt safe emotionally until very recently. It is not anyone’s fault, most people do the best they can with the information they have. I hadn’t realized how many true feelings I held back. Very often, I would just listen to someone and nod accordingly to their words, even if there was something I would have loved to say. I had somehow learned that their words were more important than mine. I learned to be the easy going one. I have to say that I also have always had a rebellious side going on underneath the easy going exterior. I hadn’t realized how subtle my actions were until recently when I was again faced with a situation where someone close to me acted in a way that proved they could not be trusted with matters that are important to me. I knew instinctively that I couldn’t trust this person, but there is always that place in my heart that still has some hope left in it. I have learned who it is safe to let my guard down with and who it isn’t. I forgot, and well, it was proven once again, that this person really doesn’t “have my back”.

my heart was being crushed 

The more I thought about it, the angrier I became. I was angry knowing that I trusted someone but they acted disrespectfully back.The worst part was that they acted as though I should just forget about it, and as though it is no big deal that they just disregarded my feelings. Like I should just be the easy going person I always was, and just let them treat me that way. I have grown and healed enough to know that certain people get the privilege of knowing the real me, and certain people will only get the “surface” me. I learned that I must protect my heart from people who are still asleep in unconsciousness. There is no judgment around this, it is just fact. Some people are only capable of staying on the exterior of their lives. I understand this, as I used to be in that same category. I became so depressed because my heart was being crushed and my true self trampled. I just didn’t realize it at the time.

to protect ourselves, we became “the strong one”

Coming back to feeling safe or not feeling safe. Most of us have been conditioned to believe that being independent is a good thing and that we don’t need anybody else. I see now how it is so subtle the way we learn this. We are taught this usually as children. Children are forced to do things even if their inner voice is telling them no. Children are forced to talk to adults even if it feels wrong. We were taught to respect adults and those “in charge” simply because they were older than us. We learned to feel helpless, and then in order to protect ourselves, we became “the strong one”, so independent. I know I developed the attitude that I could do it all myself. I took on the mantra that it was easier to do it myself than to ask someone for help. I thought it was a sign of weakness to ask for help. So, most of us developed a strong outer armor so as to protect our sensitive loving hearts. In the process of this, we picked up the message that we are in this alone, and that nobody really has our back. When this is the predominant feeling, a person feels worthless and unlovable and as though they don’t really matter to the world. These feelings lead to loneliness even if in the middle of a crowd of people.

when you start feeling the truth of who you are and also expressing this, you are loving yourself. When you love yourself, you begin loving the world around you. When you love the world around you, you are open to the love that the Universe has been holding for you

I am writing all of this because I want each and every person reading this to know that even if you are feeling lonely,and as though nobody really has your back,  it is possible to change this. I want you to know that depression is masking the real you. Protecting yourself from the world is understandable. The way to change this is to make sure you have at least one person in your life that you know has your back. It is so important to feel like you can show exactly who you are with at least one person. Being yourself with someone gives you the practice you need to slowly start being yourself with more and more people. You will gain confidence. Soon you will start noticing that there may be certain people in your life that really don’t have your back. Sometimes this is a very tough realization. But, in order for a person to allow their truth to show, people that do not support your growth and support you exactly as you are should not be allowed to be a significant part of your life. At least not at the very beiginning of your healing journey. Later, when you become stronger, you might be able to be around them again in a way that allows you to take care of your heart. Once you are able to be exactly who you are, you will start to notice other things in your life changing. If you have a job you hate, you might suddenly find yourself with opportunities to start a new job you love. Your life will start to take on the life you have always wanted. Why is this? Because when you start feeling the truth of who you are and also expressing this, you are loving yourself. When you love yourself, you begin loving the world around you. When you love the world around you, you are open to the love that the Universe has been holding for you, just waiting for you to open yourself to love. Depression happens because you are suppressing your true self. When you suppress your true self, you are hating yourself. Start right now by writing down one thing you would love to do but haven’t allowed yourself to do.  This can be the beginning of your love affair with yourself. Take the next step of making sure you have at least one person in your life who you know without a doubt has your back, even if this means reaching out and asking for help.

 

***You are loved, love is just waiting for you to come back to it, you were born to love and to be loved, self-hate is learned, it is not your natural state. You are perfect exactly as you are and it is possible to love yourself.***

 

 

 

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