Claiming my power; a huge step toward healing depression

Written by Amie on June 24, 2010 – 4:37 pm -

The gift of learning to question everything

I have always had a rebellious streak (which I was led to believe was negative, but now I see what a gift it is to be able to question everything!!!) inside me, but there were more times than not that I shoved it down just to go along with other people. I used to be a peace keeper. Of course, I am still for peace, but I am not THE peace keeper. I learned to not “make waves” so to speak. It felt easier at times to just go along with others so that I didn’t risk being vulnerable by stating the way I really felt. I have written so many times on here about how I believe depression comes from repressing your truth, or ignoring who you are. Lately, I have come to see it as giving away my power. Whenever I don’t speak up on behalf of my truth, I am giving away a part of myself; I am giving away my power. When I give away my power, it seems natural to feel depressed.  I have been  doing this for most of my life, which makes sense that I would suffer from depression for a very long time. The more we teach ourselves to repress our truth, the more power we loose. Bit by bit, the power gets buried. Each time you give some away, your true power gets pushed down further inside you. After giving away most of ourselves, depression feels permanent. It feels like we may as well just give up on thinking we can feel better. I want you to know that it is not permanent, you can heal and go on to feel strong and powerful. Your power is just buried, but you can dig it out again.

You are not responsible for what happened to you as a child

When children are forced to give up their power because the adults in their lives do not have the skills/energy/knowledge to nurture and protect them, children learn that there is something wrong within them. They learn to hide their deepest emotions and feelings so that the adults in their lives will love and accept them. This is when children begin the process of losing their true self and their true power. When you are a child, you rely on adults to help you navigate the world. Children need adults to nurture them for exactly who they are. I am saying this because  I want people to realize that they had no control over this when they were children. When you don’t get your needs met as a child, it is not your fault. There was never anything wrong with you, and there isn’t anything wrong with you now.  Being a mother myself, I also want to say that I am not writing this so that parents beat themselves up for not meeting their child’s needs. We all do the best we can, and if we didn’t get what we needed as a child, it takes a lot of effort to change the path with our own children. But it is very possible to change paths, AND it is never too late. We are all here to heal and grow, and I do believe we are always exactly where we need to be on our path. This is where I am supposed to be; how do I know this? Because this is where I am. I think this quote by Maya Angelou applies here, “when you know better, you do better.”

I AM responsible for myself as an adult

So, back to claiming my power. I suppose it can be viewed as “re-claiming” my power. We all have this power within. It has taken me a very long time to see that I did not have power over my truth when I was a child. I hid the real me so that I could attempt to get my needs met. Of course, I did not realize what I was doing when I did this, I was just a child trying to cope with the circumstances around me. Children want to be loved, and they will do almost anything to feel loved, including hiding their truth. This is the most important point I am trying to make (finally, right?!) I realized for myself, finally (I say this without judgment because, if I was supposed to realize it sooner, I would have realized it sooner), that I am responsible for me NOW. I am an adult now, and even though I didn’t get my needs met as a child, I am old enough to take responsibility for my truth and power NOW. No matter what happened to me or to anyone in the past, we do not have to let that define us NOW. We can choose to do something different, we can choose a different path, we can choose to give ourselves the gift or nurturing ourselves or finding others in our lives who nurture us. On some level I have known this all along, but not to the extent that I get it now. I *feel* my power being restored each time I speak up and say my truth, each time I make a decision that is right for *me* even though someone else may not like it. Even though I have been doing things that feel nurturing to myself for quite awhile now, I was still practicing the coping skills from my childhood in some situations. I wasn’t always speaking up when I didn’t agree, I would still go along with some things even though that voice inside was screaming, “NO, you don’t really want to do that!”

The power of  your inner guidance

Listen to that voice inside, it always guides you to your truth. I can’t explain the power I feel right now. When I say power, I mean my inner guidance, my inner knowing that *all is well with me*. I have a beautiful friend that has helped me see that I have a right to claim my place here, and so do you!!! We all do, we were put here deliberately. There is a reason that I am here, you are here, each one of us. We  are all here to heal and grow and to help each other. We are all ONE.  As each of us heals and grows, we are helping each other, which helps the collective energy of the world. You are here for a reason, you deserve to be here, you deserve JOY, and it is OK to claim your place in this Universe.

Enjoy this video by Abraham-Hicks called Before you Became Physical

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Posted in Depression, Healing & personal growth, Mindful/respectful parenting, Self-love | 4 Comments »

What is important to me?

Written by Amie on December 30, 2009 – 1:06 am -

No labels of who I am

What is important to me? This question has been lurking in my mind for a week  or so. It sounds like such an easy question to answer, but for me it wasn’t. At the beginning of last year I did a one day workshop to focus on what I wanted for the upcoming year(more detail to follow on this). My statement for the year was, “May I trust my inner knowing to reveal my authentic self.” Last year around this time I was feeling frustrated with the fact that I was having trouble trusting that my inner self would reveal who I really am. I was having trouble answering that question. So, here it is a year later, and I do feel as though I have a much better idea of who I am. I think it will be  a life long process since we grow and change constantly, but I do feel as though I have a better idea of who I am. At least in this moment right now I do! It is exciting knowing I can change at any time. It is freeing knowing that I don’t have to have a label of who I am. However, at my core, I think I know who I am.

woman_pondering

What IS important to me?

I started thinking last week about what my focus for the coming year will be, which led me to the question of what is important. I want to continue growing and learning about myself. So, I began asking myself the question, “what IS important to me?” I was stumped for awhile. I had no answers at first. Then, slowly a few things came to me. The one that feels the strongest is to have the intent of always coming from a place of authenticity. Before I make any decisions or answer any questions, I want to stop and ask myself if this is coming from that place within me that is authentic. I want to match my inner world with my outer. This is the biggest trick of all though, isn’t it? I can meditate and feel so centered, walk out of the room and something snaps me out of my bubble of bliss. It takes work for me to stay centered. But it sure is easier to stay centered if I stay in the moment. Again, it takes work. When I can stay in the moment as an observer instead of a judge or a problem solver, being centered comes easier. Once I follow my judgments, the now went out the window.

“My inner knowing”

So, growing, authenticity and doing things that feed my “inner knowing” are all things that are important to me. My list is growing the more I keep this little mantra in my head. I have some that are always at the top of my list, such as my kids and husband and family. I am working on just focusing on what is important for my growth with this question. The who process of inner growth is still amazing to me when I really think about where I started. When I first started down this path, I never would have questioned what was important to me, I only knew to just stuff my truth in order to please others. Wow, have I come a long way. And that feels really good! Just stopping to ask myself one small question makes a huge difference in how I feel. A very powerful question.

 

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Posted in Healing & personal growth, Meditation | No Comments »
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