Letting go of the good little girl

Written by Amie on April 8, 2014 – 3:27 am -

 “You know the truth by the way it feels” ~India Arie

 

if I stand in my truth, I am not a nice person

The a-ha moments just keep coming. And for that I am grateful. Not always excited to go through the uncomfortable stages of the process, but once I’m on the other side, I feel relief and I feel as though I have shed more of the deeply held beliefs that sometimes keep me stuck. My latest a-ha moment has been floating around in my body for a while, but I just wasn’t exactly sure what it was. Until now. Now I know exactly what it is. It is the deeply held belief that if I stand in my truth, I am not a nice person. I am not a “good girl”. I am a troublemaker. This also goes along with the other belief I thought was true. The belief that tells me I am assumed bad and I must try to convince people of my inherent goodness. I am using the terms good/bad here just for reference points. I don’t really believe in the terms good/bad as they are used in our society. But that’s for another post. I wrote about it hereAnyway, I came to realize that my automatic reaction to someone who is criticizing me or judging me is to try to defend myself. I am grateful that I am able to observe myself now rather than get sucked into the old belief.

this nagging feeling

What I didn’t realize before now is that no matter what I say, I will never be seen for who I really am as long as I am not complying with their wishes. In other words, if I don’t continue doing things “the way we have always done them”, I will be seen in a way that benefits them. It makes so much sense to me now as to why I was so harsh on myself. When a person has to constantly defend their own truth, the negative can very well start seeping into their core. Especially if this way of being has been years in the making. Thankfully, I started down the road to self-love a few years ago, and I do love myself now, which feels so freeing! However, I hadn’t realized exactly what this nagging feeling was that continued to hang around. When I chose to set boundaries instead of going back to business as usual, this  old way of being came to light. I saw very clearly that I had been conditioned to believe I am a bad person if I voice beliefs that don’t follow protocol, so to speak. If I speak out against the things that hurt my heart or hurt others, I am labeled a troublemaker or someone who is weak or selfish.

 I stand up for what I believe in

I don’t want to be the good little girl anymore. And I stopped being that girl a few years ago. This does not mean I am a bad person. This doesn’t mean I think my way is better than someone else’s way.  This means I stand up for what I believe in and I follow my heart, even if it goes against what others may believe. Being a good girl meant that I followed what others wanted me to do. Being a good girl meant that I shut off my own needs and my own voice so that others could remain in their own stories. I was a good girl so that others could stay comfortable. Thankfully, that girl gets a rest now. She has my love and compassion, but she is no longer choosing the familiar way. The familiar way led me to a deep dark hole of depression. If I would have stayed in the “safe zone” of continuing to be the good little girl, I would not be in a very healthy place right now. I finally broke free. I finally stopped being the good little girl who tried to meet everyone else’s needs while starving myself in the process.

To just merely exist is not living

When I realized how starved I was, I began down the path to self-love. I thought I was being “good” by always taking other people’s needs into account before my own. I didn’t know a different way existed. Until I learned another way. I learned to nurture myself and to love myself. I learned that taking care of me did not mean I would ignore everyone else. It meant that I matter, my needs matter, and I will follow my truth. I learned that yes,I was born for a reason, and it is my duty to figure out why I am here. To just merely exist is not living. I was not fully alive until I began listening to and trusting my heart. If we were all to take care of our internal emotional wounding, and learn that we are important and we deserve our own love, the whole world would change. We can only love others as much as we love ourselves. The more we heal our wounds, the more we are available to really authentically help others. We would no longer help others from a place of obligation; we would help them because we have room in our hearts to fully, authentically help them. So, I choose being an authentic, loving woman, and I let that good little girl have a very long rest.

 

This is so beautiful…gratitude.

 

“Until you heal the wounds of your past, you are going to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs,with work, with cigarettes, with sex; But eventually it will all ooze through and stain your life. You must find the strength to open the wounds, stick your hands inside, pull out the core of the pain that is holding you in your past, the memories, and make peace with them.”~Iyanla Vanzant

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Love yourself, heal yourself; love everyone, heal the planet

Written by Amie on June 13, 2013 – 2:25 am -

65% of people are unhappy

The energy in the universe is so heavy right now. I feel it on a daily basis. I believe that if each individual person can work on healing themselves, then the whole planet will shift. In fact, I believe we are in the midst of a huge shift of consciousness right now. I believe that the negative energy of each individual is fueling the negative chaotic happenings in the world at this time. And, people are at a very heightened stage of negativity. So many people are depressed. I heard a statistic the other day that said 65% of people are unhappy. Things are happening more rapidly, and time feels as though it is moving faster. Things in the political arena have gone haywire, and people are doing crazy things. People are desperately trying to hang on to the “old way” of doing things, which is not working, but many are having a difficult time letting go. With all of this being said, I think this is a good thing. Negative, traumatic, hateful, old beliefs and patterns, old ways of being with each other that are not nurturing, sadness, grief, etc….all of these things are coming up in people because the universe wants us all to heal. These things are coming up so that together, we can work on healing ourselves which in turn will heal the planet. The unhealthy state of the planet is equal to the unhealthy state of the human population. When we are able to heal our self-hate and judgment of one another, and instead come together to listen to and love each other, the planet will heal. Every time a person heals themselves, more love is put into the universe. When groups of people come together in mediation and/or prayer, healing for the whole universe happens. Focusing on loving ourselves is the same as loving other people. The more we love ourselves. the more we love others, and the more the planet heals. Love heals.

permission_to_shinekellyraeroberts

(this beautiful creation is by Kelly Rae Roberts. My sister gave me this, and it is so special to me)

YOU ARE THE MIGHTY OCEAN IN A DROP

In order to get to self love, we must look at the darkness within. It can be scary, it can be painful, and there may be a lot of grief to get through. But each time you peel back a layer of darkness, you put more love into your soul and more love into the soul of the universe. You are a piece of the whole. This is one of my favorite quotes:  “YOU ARE NOT JUST A DROP IN THE OCEAN. YOU ARE THE MIGHTY OCEAN IN A DROP.’ by Rumi.  It is so true. We are each other, we are the universe, we are every single being, plant, water, animal, everything. So when we hurt ourselves, we hurt everyone and everything. When we love ourselves, we love everyone and everything.  *This* is how powerful you really are. I promise you. When you get through the conditioned lies that you have lived with up until now, you will see your pure loving soul. You will see how bright your light is shining right inside you. You are depressed for a reason. The reason is that it is your time to heal so that you can be a light to others, to help them see their light. You are not the stories you have been told, you are not the pain you have endured, you are not the mean hateful accusations that others have spewed at you. Each and every one of us is born pure love. Over the years we are dealt different levels of lessons. Some we label painful, some we label traumatic, some we label horrible, etc. But all of these things made you who you are today. And you are perfection. If you can find it in your heart to face the darkness, do your work to overcome the lies and untruths someone else put on you, then you will begin to see the beauty inside you.

each of us has the responsibility of healing our own pain

When others lash out at you, it is their emotional pain talking.  Remind yourself that it is their emotional pain being expressed externally. They feel so horrible inside, that they aren’t able to contain it or express it in a healthy way, so they may lash out at others. It is not about you. It is best to move away from them if they continue to do this. It is not your responsibility to take on anyone else’s pain. Each of us has the responsibility of healing our own pain. In fact, we are the only ones who know our own pain and suffering. One factor of depression may be the result of taking on others pain and suffering. Others can be helpful and supportive, but we have to feel the pain, and allow the process to evolve. Sometimes, it is too painful, and one may choose to stay in denial. It is understandable. What I am saying is that if one wants to live a fully awakened life, sharing and loving with others, the hard work has to be done. Living is very different than just surviving your day. Fully living means to feel and be in the moment as it happens. Depression and anxiety can be overwhelming when our pain takes over. I understand this completely. And this is the reason that self compassion and self love have to practiced. Loving self talk has to the first step in healing. You have been beating yourself up for way too long. And, you don’t deserve to have someone else’s negative self talk running through your head as though it is truth. Negative self talk is the accumulation of dysfunctional behavior, other people’s emotional pain, and conditioned messages you picked up from traumatic or very stressful events in your life. You were not born with negative self talk. It was learned. And the awesome news is that it can be unlearned! I promise you!!! Little by little, or sometimes big by big, this self talk can be quieted and loving, nurturing talk can replace it. It takes awareness and practice, while you are working on peeling away the layers of untruths, and working through stressful traumatic experiences.

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.”~the Buddha(although many say the Buddha didn’t say this, I still love the quote!)

 

begin loving yourself right in this moment, even if it feels fake

I know how difficult depression is, I promise you, I have been so low I didn’t think I would survive. But I am here to tell you, you are pure love, you can heal, and there is nothing wrong with you. Right now, you are already perfect. Begin loving yourself right in this moment, even if it feels fake. Nurture yourself every single chance you get, even if it feels undeserved. Reach out to those you feel connected to. Distance yourself from those who hurt you, unless they are actively working on healing their own pain. If you choose to have them in your life, set boundaries to protect yourself from negativity and hateful words and actions until they can meet you in a healthy place. You can still have compassion for them without allowing them to hurt you. Give yourself time and space and love and nurture and connect with those who love and support you. Self love takes practice. Write yourself loving reminders, hang pictures that remind you to love and nurture yourself, read books that remind you to love yourself. Take time to process the experiences in your life that hurt you but remain repressed. Find a therapist who can gently help you through the process. We are all human and we all have emotional baggage and pain. It is what we decide to do with the pain that will determine how much love will be in our lives. Love yourself, heal the planet. You are loved!

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