What is your core wound?

Written by Amie on September 4, 2013 – 2:17 am -

my doubting mind

For some reason today I really felt my core wound. My core wound is that I don’t trust many people. Everybody has a core wound. Some people have deeper wounds than others, but we all have a core wound. I have been healing for quite awhile now, and most days I forget about my core wound. Every now and then my core wound rears its head to remind me it is still there. I’m not really sure why it showed up today. I wasn’t feeling down. I think it could be because I truly feel I am on the verge of stepping into my power completely. I feel I am very close to learning to truly trust the divine energy that, on an intellectual level, I know is there. Most days I feel its presence, and then occasionally my doubting mind creeps back in to make me wonder. And this is when my core wound is triggered. It seems the closer I get to really feeling connected, the more my mind tries to convince me otherwise.

Don’t trust, don’t trust, don’t trust

This is the old belief system doing what it does. Its job is to try to convince me that I should be afraid.Its job has always been to protect me. But the definition of “protect me” in this case is, “do not risk believing or trusting anyone or anything, you know what will happen, you will be hurt.” In the past, this mindset kept me “safe”. Safe meaning I stayed in my protective shell and didn’t let anyone in. Yes, it did keep me safe. However, now that I am a healthy adult, I no longer need this type of protection. So, the more I work on healing my past issues, the quieter that voice gets. When I first started down this road of healing, my voice screamed louder than ever! “Don’t trust, don’t trust, don’t trust!!!” And the majority of the time, I listened. I kept my protective walls up, and I didn’t risk anything. Gradually, I begin sticking a toe out here and there. Most of the time, it was a positive result. So, I kept going. I began to trust more and more, and the voice began getting quieter and quieter.

caught in the little web

As time went on, that voice would still try to yell to me to be careful, don’t trust, but I am more aware now. I have become an observer of that voice. I am able to watch what it does now. As I feel closer to stepping into my power more and more, I see the voice trying to engage me in fear. It no longer has the power over me like it did in the past. I watch it, I even say thank you to it, and I tell it to relax and take a load off. But there are still some days, like today, that I get caught in the little web, and I temporarily forget that it is just a voice. It is a voice from the past that reminds me of where I started. I know that my core wound will always be there, but I also know it is much quieter than it used to be, and I know I gain confidence each time I recognize what is happening and I see it for what it is.

being aware that it no longer serves me

My goal now is to find self compassion around this. I want to be able to hold myself with self love and compassion when my core issue creeps back in. I want to be able to love myself through the doubts, and be able to show compassion for the fear that creeps in. I want to be able to give myself reassurance and space to feel my fear, embrace it, and set it free again. My core wound is a part of who I am. I learned it was not safe to trust people, even those who said they had my back. I understand my core wound, it makes sense. I want to be grateful for the protection it provided me, while also being aware that it no longer serves me. I am learning healthy ways to determine who and what to trust. So, my core wound can take a much needed vacation.

Do you know what your core wound is?

This is something very important to investigate. Until you discover your core wound, you continue to react from a place of unconsciousness. Your body will continue to protect you by reacting the way it has always reacting. Bringing awareness to your inner self will shine light on your core wound so that you are able to heal and grow.

 

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Acceptance,shedding the old,and lessons from a lizard!

Written by Amie on February 7, 2010 – 9:32 pm -

According to the growth charts……

Stay with me here, this isn’t completely about my new pet. So I have a new pet lizard…a bearded dragon to be exact. My son bought her from a breeder and took such great care of her. For some strange reason she hasn’t grown much since we’ve had her. According to the growth charts she should be at least double her size by now. My son was very disappointed, as he wanted a “normal” bearded dragon. He said he would like to return the dragon to the breeder and get one that is older and bigger, already growing normally. I have never considered myself a reptile kind of girl! I thought we would just return the little creature, and then find another one for my son. Somewhere along the line I became a wee bit attached to her. Maybe because I helped my son with ideas to get the little one to eat, changing the lighting….trying to get her to grow. Hmmm…..so I started dragging my feet on returning her to the breeder. Let’s just try one more thing….etc. etc.

Can I return her?

The day we were supposed to return her I felt really agitated and “off”. There was something pulling me to keep her. I went over and over it in my head…why in the world would I want to have a lizard? It must be because I just want to make her well, etc etc. I told my son I might keep her. He was a bit shocked at first. I told him I was going to go meditate and I would let him know what I decide. So, I meditated, and it was very clear to me that I should keep her. I surprised myself I do believe!  For some reason, it just felt like the right decision.

beardie

What is “enough”?

So, here I am…..me and a bearded dragon. She is cute for a lizard. Each day I would go in and try to feed her. She wasn’t real keen on eating much. I felt myself wanting so badly for her to “grow normally”, (whatever normal means!). She was doing everything else that classified her as being “normal”, she just wasn’t eating enough to make her grow enough. I tried everything I could think of, I wrote to other people who have bearded dragons, etc. I just kept thinking I wanted her to be healthy like a normal lizard. Then, it hit me. Why not just accept her the way she is? In every other way, she is healthy. She just isn’t growing at the normal rate. She startled easily, and still seemed nervous to be so young in a new place, all alone. Maybe she just needs me to accept her where she is, let her be who she is until she feels comfortable. I know, she IS a lizard, but I still felt like she was giving me this gift of accepting myself exactly where I am. Heck, if I can accept a lizard, I should be able to accept myself, right?

Accepting her and myself exactly where we are

The day after I decided to accept her exactly how she is, she ate triple the amount of crickets! I know, she is a lizard…but still. I feel like she is my mirror in some strange lizardy way. Today she shed her skin. Yet another lesson for me. I am in a huge place of growing right now, and seeing her shed her old skin and embrace the new reminds me that I need to do the same. I am shedding the old beliefs that do not work for me, and I am embracing and honoring my truth. One more layer gone, another layer closer to who I really am. I feel I am constantly comparing my “old” way of being, doing, and thinking, to my new, or rather my true way of being, doing, and thinking.

I am exactly where I’m supposed to be

I would never have thought a little lizard named Na’vi (I loved the Na’vi tribe in the movie Avatar!) could be a teacher. But she is. I think she actually grew a smidgen today too. But, if she did, or if she didn’t…I’m ok with her exactly how she is. She is growing exactly how she should be growing. How do I know this? Because that’s what is right now, so it must be the way it was meant to be. I also accept myself exactly as I am right now. I don’t need to be any further along, because where I am is where I am supposed to be. If I can accept a lizard for where she is on her journey, then I surely can accept myself for where I am. Crickets, anyone?

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