Stop thinking, just *feel*; using movement to release emotions

Written by Amie on November 16, 2011 – 2:13 am -

Learn to become “the observer” of the one having the negative thoughts

I want to talk more about releasing emotions through body movement. Many people e-mailed to ask what this process looks like for me, so I thought it would be helpful to write about it here in case others have the same question. When I first started using movement to release emotions, I was pretty judgmental of myself. Even though I locked myself in a room and turned the lights down, I was still self-conscious. If I could go back and give myself encouragement, I would tell myself that the mean voices in my head are not true, and more importantly, they are not who I am. They are conditioned beliefs that have nothing to do with who I am. They are the dysfunctional messages passed on by dysfunctional people and systems. So, to begin with, using movement to release emotions is also a practice in meditation. By this I mean you must learn to become “the observer” of the one having the negative thoughts. Keep moving your body while just noticing the thoughts. Don’t buy into them. Remember you are *not* your thoughts, you are the watcher of your thoughts. There is a *very* big difference. It takes diligent practice to make this become real in our bodies. The more you remember it, the easier it gets. This is about becoming aware. Awareness of what you are telling yourself.

Stop thinking, and FEEL

I always know when I need to move. It is usually when I am “trying to process” some feelings that have come up. I know if I am thinking too much or trying to figure something out, it is better for me to start moving. I know the main thing to remember is to *feel*. When I stay with my thinking too much, it is usually because I don’t want to feel. This is a very common protective response. I internalized the message, “if I feel, it will hurt”. I know this is not a true statement any longer. Sure, there are painful emotions, no doubt. But, we hurt when we start telling ourselves stories *about* those feelings. Feelings and emotions are energy. If thinking didn’t exist, we would just notice sensations in our bodies when we have a reaction to something. It is the added stories we start telling ourselves that make the experience painful. We believe these stories. Again, this takes some “re-training” of the brain. Our brains are trained to react a certain way, and they will continue to do that unless we decide to change it. It takes practice.  When I start feeling restless and I am focusing too much on “why” or “how” or obsessing over a detail, I  *know*, or rather my body knows, it is time to move!

90 second rule

I want to share this from Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor’s book called My Stroke Of Insight (a great book, btw!). “When a person has a reaction to something in their environment, there’s a 90 second chemical process that happens in the body; after that, any remaining emotional response is just the person choosing to stay in that emotional loop. Something happens in the external world and chemicals are flushed through your body which puts it on full alert. For those chemicals to totally flush out of the body it takes less than 90 seconds.

This means that for 90 seconds you can watch the process happening, you can feel it happening, and then you can watch it go away. After that, if you continue to feel fear, anger, and so on, you need to look at the thoughts that you’re thinking that are re-stimulating the circuitry that is resulting in you having this physiological response over and over again.”

Lock the door, light some candles, dim the lights, and shake shake shake!!!

Sounds like an interesting title, don’t you think?! That is a shortened version of  my routine. I must also mention that I have a punching bag which is sometimes part of my routine. I absolutely love it! It is so helpful when I am feeling strong anger in my body. The important thing is to always stay in touch with your body and your body sensations. I hold most of my emotions in my stomach. My stomach feels tight or it feels as though someone is squeezing it when I have strong emotions. . I hold my breath as well. Another learned response. Just wanted to point that out because it is very common to hold your breath when you are trying to hold back strong emotions. So, a reminder to breathe is always very important. Hanging reminders around the house is a great idea! Seems simple, but it is incredibly helpful! I use an iPod to move to. I have a very wide range of music. I almost always start with hip hop and very upbeat fast music. This may not work for some people, but it is what works for me. It is fun to experiment with different kinds of music to see what your body loves. Listen to your body, you will *feel* a difference when you like a certain type of music and when you don’t.

Stay in your body

I have noticed there are times when I just need to shake every body part. If my body feels tense and I feel as though I may explode with emotion, I shake each limb and each body part. I continue doing that until I feel the intensity lessen. Then I move move move. I usually move fast for at least 30 minutes, but do what feels right for you. After that, I move slower, more like the video in my last post. Honestly, it really depends on my body, so it is key to pay attention to your body, and to follow what it tells you. There have been numerous times when I just have to stop moving and allow myself to sob. This is a good thing! My body is releasing unprocessed, stuck emotions. Sometimes I go back and forth between dancing/moving and punching the punching bag. It feels so good! It is all about staying with yourself; staying in your body. Just feel the sensations, and breathe. It can be helpful to journal after moving if that feels good to you. Hopefully this was helpful. Please feel free to comment, ask more questions, or tell me about your practice. It is always helpful if we share with each other. I am grateful you are here reading, and I really hope this was helpful for you. Happy dancing and moving!!!! Also, if you want a guided body movement, I strongly recommend Gabrielle Roth’s song “Body Parts” on her CD called “Endless Wave”

 

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My pain is still my pain even if there are other people who have it “much worse” than I do

Written by Amie on November 9, 2010 – 10:51 pm -

My pain is not that bad compared to others! Argh…..

I feel the need to talk about this because it has “triggered” anger in me lately. I have realized that for most of my life, I have put my own pain in the category of “not that bad” compared to many other people. This is true, there are so many other people who have had horrific things happen to them. It is difficult for me to even hear some of their stories. I usually end up in tears. However, just because others have had worse experiences and maybe more pain, it does not discount my pain. I can have deep compassion for others, while still honoring my own experience. I think it is common for us to be conditioned to shrug off our own pain and suffering because, “we should be grateful, we are so lucky compared to other people.” Again, I don’t mean to discount others’ pain either. That is not my point. My point is that everyone has some emotional pain and/or physical things that have happened to them. Each individual must honor their own situation, and know that their pain and suffering is just as important as everyone else.

I shame myself

I think it is very important to honor the fact that your pain is just as valid as the next person. When I tell myself that “I should be grateful, I have xyz, and I am able to do xyz”, I feel guilty for talking about my pain. I shame myself for even thinking I have a right to have pain, anger, sadness, emptiness etc. I can see how we are conditioned to always look at the other person, and give them empathy and compassion. Don’t get me wrong, these are incredible things to give someone. But, not always at the expense of ourselves. A friend of mine was talking about another friend who, “is so giving”, and “he gives of himself constantly”. Then in the next breathe he told me how depressed his friend is and that he isn’t taking time to honor that in himself. “Others are suffering more” he thinks. This could be true, but it also might not be true. And, it really doesn’t matter if it is true. What matters is that he honors himself so that eventually he will be able to help others on the same path. I truly believe we need to heal our own wounds before it is possible for us to help others in an authentic way. I was able to go through the motions many times to help others because I felt my pain was “nothing” compared to what they needed from me. However, inside I was dying, and when I don’t honor the part of me that is suffering and needing nurturing, my own pain gets worse, and in turn makes it nearly impossible for me to help others.

Guilt and Shame

I feel angry that my own pain and my own situation was discounted. I am also angry that I learned to start ignoring myself and my needs because I got the message that I should just be thankful…for my family….for my health….for all of the material things…..blah blah blah. Please don’t misunderstand…..I am beyond grateful for these things, but that doesn’t mean I should ignore that inner voice screaming my truth. There have been times when life just did not seem worth it to me. But I suffered rather than tell anyone. There were times when I wanted to just give up, and on some level I did. Then I attached shame and judgment to it. You know what I mean,”how can I think these things? ” I am so lucky to have what I have and be in the situation I’m in.” The main message I sent myself was that I should not ever “complain”. I was being an ungrateful baby and I should look how bad other people have it. Ugh……….starting now…..this is the affirmation I will use when I hear myself saying, “I shouldn’t feel xyz…..or “Why can’t I just be happy with the way things are”………Affirmation: I honor my feelings, and my feelings are valid regardless of other peoples’ experiences. This affirmation helps me to remember that I am, in fact, responsible for my life. I take more of my power back by doing this.

Honor yourself

Honor and accept yourself and honor your feelings. Your feelings are valid regardless of what someone else tells you and regardless of what your shaming judgmental voice is telling you. Your experiences are valid, and you have a right to feel exactly as you feel. Breathe…..breathe…..honor….love yourself……you are exactly where you are supposed to be. Remember the mean voice that is telling you to discount your own pain is NOT who you really are. That is the voice from the past that conditioned you to believe untruths about yourself. Just BE with YOU. You are worth being with and you deserve to be heard. Namaste.

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