Our children come to us to help us heal

Written by Amie on May 19, 2014 – 3:01 am -

opportunities to grow and heal

The relationship between parent and child can be the most beautiful experience or the most painful. (And probably somewhere in between). It can be beautiful when we drop the notion that we can do no wrong because we are the parent. It can be beautiful when we allow the challenges in the relationship to show us the places in us which are not healed. It can be beautiful when we remember our children come to us in love and to help us heal. It is painful if we are unable to be vulnerable with them, to let them see our truth, let them see who we really are. Our children do not belong to us. It really is our job to become aware enough to see their “annoyances” or their actions as opportunities to grow and heal. It is not our job to break their spirit so they learn to conform to what we want them to be, nor is it our job to force our beliefs and/or our pain onto them. If we don’t face our own pain, and if we don’t come to understand how that pain has affected the relationships in our lives, then we are living from our place of pain. We react from this place of pain. We interact from this place of pain. We shield our hearts, which means we aren’t able to fully receive love. We go around covered in armor, protecting our hearts because we are afraid to appear weak, or afraid those we love will hurt us.

children come to teach us

Our children come to us to help us become who we really are, and to help us heal our past traumas. I believe children come to teach us, not for us to teach them. I believe children have so much to teach us, if we are willing to be vulnerable, if we are willing to put aside our ego, and put aside the thinking that, “we are the adult, we know more than children”, and the thinking that, “I am older and they should respect me”. I believe a person has to earn respect. If you give respect, you will receive respect. (another post in itself). So, why am I talking about this? Well, because I wish no matter how old we are, how old our children are, how old our parents are, that we can open to the idea of learning from each other no matter how long it takes to get to this decision. I wish adults could open their hearts, lay aside their old thinking, embrace their own emotional pain, and open their hearts to children, no matter what age they are. When a person gets stuck in the thinking that they are “weak” if they confront their emotional pain, then they are closed off to the opportunities to learn from those younger than they are. When a person is not confronting their emotional pain, there is no way to have a healthy, authentic relationship with a loved one.

motherandkids

spiritually and emotionally asleep 

When my kids were born I was spiritually and emotionally asleep so to speak. I was not in touch with who I was. There were hints here and there, but I began waking up after my babies were born, after I began bonding with them. I had never felt a connection as intense and as deep as the connections I had with my babies. It awoke something in me I had no idea was there. Feeling the bond with them triggered pain in me. I didn’t know what it was at the time, but it was there. When I say triggered, I mean that I had an emotional reaction when I was nurturing them. I soon realized that bringing babies into the world is the most powerful relationship there is. I believe kids come to us so that they can show us where our emotional pain is. They give us multiple opportunities to choose consciousness and awareness and presence. We can choose to look within ourselves to discover why we feel triggered, or we can become angry with our children and blame them for being difficult or demanding or whatever term we think fits.

look in the mirror

I believe no matter what age we are, it is possible to heal. It is possible to heal relationships no matter how long they have been in trouble. It is possible to wake up to discover the truth of who you really are. It is possible to put ego aside, take off the armor little by little, and have the courage to really look inside your heart to feel your emotional pain that has been buried. Each time you allow yourself to feel some of the pain, you become more awake, more conscious, more authentic. If you are struggling with relationships, especially those with family members, maybe it is time to look in the mirror to ask yourself, what am I needing to learn from this experience? Ask yourself, why is this situation so painful for me? Why am I so angry with this person? Why do I feel so emotionally charged when this person does something I don’t like? What pain are you living your life from? I just want to reassure you that being vulnerable with people who love you is one of the most beautiful experiences. Drop the stories you have told yourself about them and listen to what they say. It may or may not resonate with you. Either is ok. However, if your reaction is anger, this is a time to go beneath the anger to discover the true hurt that is hiding there.

 

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Posted in Awareness, Connection, Help with depression, Kids/teenagers and depression | 2 Comments »

The role of thoughts in depression; deciphering the truth from the lies

Written by Amie on February 16, 2011 – 12:09 am -

Negative thoughts and depression

So many of my negative thoughts are so subtle that I sometimes have a difficult time even realizing I am having them. This gets confusing. I will suddenly feel really depressed without being able to link it to any certain thought. I am slowly learning to recognize what my mind does when I start feeling the dreaded feeling of darkness coming again. My mind distracts me. It doesn’t want me to feel. My brain has been conditioned to avoid feeling emotions. My mind does not want me to “be” in my body. So it distracts me by telling me  that I will never feel better, etc etc. Then, I buy into these thoughts by trying to figure out “why” I feel depressed etc. So, by getting me hooked into trying to figure out why I feel bad, I am taken away from really having to “feel” what is going on inside my body. I have been conditioned to think the worst. For example, “if” I am depressed again, that must mean I am going to be depressed for two weeks this time, and it has to mean that something made me feel bad, and that I really must figure out what it was. These are all distractions to keep me away from the real stuff.

Thoughts vs. feelings

My wonderful therapist helped me see that a thought is just a thought is just a thought. They are not true! I have said this a million times, right? Well, she finally helped me really tell the difference between a thought and a feeling. Seems easy, but I was really getting hooked into my thoughts, and believing them. This isn’t always true, only when I am in a dark place. When I am in a dark place, I believe every single one of my thoughts. She helped me see that I really need to be vigilant about naming my thoughts until it really happens automatically. And, I do believe it will begin to come naturally. I believe our brains can be changed. All other parts of our bodies can heal, why not the brain? So, here is a sample of a conversation that might happen in my head.

“I am really tired of dealing with depression.”

My usual response would be a tightness in my stomach, and a knowing that I will never feel better. Then, I would head down the path of trying to figure it all out!

My NEW WAY of dealing with this same thought is this:

“I am telling myself that I am really tired of dealing with depression; it’s just a thought.” Then, I would notice any feelings I am having in my physical body. For instance, “is my stomach feeling tight? Does it feel tense?” I would follow those feelings until I don’t come up with anything else. It is quite amazing how just adding these few words can make a huge difference! I was really able to see that it is just a thought! It is not the truth. And, if I say it this way, I am able to open myself up to really allowing the emotions to be felt in my body. And, it is so much easier to me to not follow the negative thought into the next usual step of trying to figure it all out.

It is what it is. If I allow myself to feel, then the energy can move through me. If I disallow the feelings by distracting myself away from them, then I feel stuck. And, stuck is not a good place to be when you are depressed because after stuck comes hopeless….not a great place to be.

Be vigilant

I intend to become very vigilant of my thoughts, and I intend to change the wording. It is amazing for me to think that I wasn’t born with all of these nonsensical thoughts. Why would a baby or child hate themselves? Doesn’t make sense. We all get conditioned by society and the people around us. The majority of people have no idea what they are feeling or that their thoughts are not true. When the thoughts go through our heads, it makes sense that we think they are true. But, they aren’t!!! I really do believe that one reason we become depressed is that we believe these negative thoughts, but our true self does not believe them. The divine presence within all of us knows that we are all perfect as we are and that joy and love are our birthright. When our thoughts and beliefs go against this truth, there is an inner fight going on. This does not feel good. We keep trying to believe the negative thoughts while the divine presence(insert the word you use) within us is trying to tell us differently. Depending on how ingrained our thoughts and beliefs about ourselves are, it can take awhile to wake up to the truth. So, here is your wake-up call- YOU ARE NOT YOUR NEGATIVE THOUGHTS! YOU ARE LOVE AND JOY AND YOU DESERVE TO BE HEARD AND TO BE HAPPY!!!!!! YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO EXPRESS WHO YOU ARE. STAY AWAY FROM ANYONE WHO TRIES TO TELL YOU DIFFERENT. PEACE AND LOVE TO YOU, YOUR BIRTHRIGHT IS LOVE. START WITH LEARNING TO LOVE YOURSELF.

Enjoy this video again! I love it so much, and I highly recommend seeing a Michael Franti concert if you have the chance. His energy is incredible, and he is spreading love and hope! Hope this video makes you feel loved, and maybe it will make you feel like shaking your booty!!!


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Posted in Awareness, Depression, Self-love | No Comments »
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