Others need to see me in their own way for the benefit of their personal journey

Written by Amie on July 1, 2013 – 11:12 pm -

“You surrender to a lot of things which are not worthy of you. I wish you would surrender to your radiance… your integrity…your beautiful human grace.”~ Yogi Bhajanakes

 

depression is the suppression of the true self; trauma and repressed emotions included

I really love this quote. I have been thinking a lot about how much I surrendered my true self in the past. Mostly, to make those around me comfortable. I don’t beat myself up about this because I know that I did it unconsciously, I know I did it to cope with my life at the time. I know I buried my “radiance, my integrity, and my beautiful human grace”, so that I could get through my days without much conflict, and for the benefit of others. I understand now that people are going to do what they do because that’s what they need to do. It has nothing to do with me. I may just be the mirror they need in order to see what they need to see for their personal journey.  I have a clarity around this now. I know people see in me what they need to see for the benefit of their own journey. I know who I am and what I stand for, but this will not always be what others see. Before I grew stronger in myself, there was a time when I would be deeply hurt by what others thought of me, knowing they were so far off base.  I would internalize their words and I would believe there was something wrong with me, instead of questioning why they would say untrue words. In the past, I would act accordingly to their perspective. I became what they needed me to be, and they would be temporarily pacified. Meanwhile, my true self was dying a slow death. I felt the imbalance deep within me, but I blamed it on “depression”. “The reason I am feeling terrible is because I am so depressed.” I didn’t know to question why my true self was dying.  The definition of depression for me back then was, “There is something wrong with ME”. This was before I understood that depression is the suppression of the true self, which includes traumas and repressed emotions.

they want to see the me that will make *their* story true

I was surrendering to what others needed from me. I was surrendering to what I had to do in order to survive. I surrendered to what I needed to do so that I could cope. And then slowly, I began to awaken. I began to awaken to the truth. The truth that I was “depressed” because my beautiful self had been sacrificed for the sake of others. My beautiful truth had been buried. It is very clear to me now that a person who is living their life from their pain body (unconsciously) will NEVER see the real me. They want to see the me that will make *their* story true. They want to be able to blame others for their problems, blame  others for their circumstances, and blame others for disrupting their story. I feel so relieved now to really see this. It comes back to each of us being a mirror for others. People project their issues onto others when they don’t want to or don’t have the capacity to take responsibility for their own issues. I see now how much easier it is to be able to point the finger at someone else rather than have to make a change in my own life. So many people go through each day pointing the finger at all of “those people” who make their lives difficult. Anytime they are faced with some truth about their own life that makes them uncomfortable, they lash out at those “other people” who are doing it to them. It is easier to lash out than to look inside ourselves. I know this, I used to do this too. I realized that by blaming others for my emotions I was also handing them my power. When I was under the impression that others could “make me” feel a certain way, I was helpless. I gave them permission to control my feelings.

they need to see me in their own way, it truly has nothing to do with me

I’m writing this to say a few things. What others think of me is none of my business. It is theirs. I will not surrender to things that aren’t true. I know who I am and I stand in my truth no matter what words and stories are tossed around. I know my soul. I know I am a compassionate, loving, very caring, passionate and sensitive person. *This* is who I am. This is what I choose to surrender to, the truth. I will not surrender to someone else’s story. It doesn’t help them, and it harms me. I can’t control someone else’s journey. I would love to help them, but it is not always possible, especially when they have bought into their story completely. With all of this being said, I am still working on not allowing someone else’s story or their words to insult who I know myself to truly be. I understand where they are coming from, and I do have compassion, but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel pain around it. It is still painful for me when someone who once claimed they loved me to see me from their perspective, (which is that I am acting maliciously and disrespectfully). It is painful when their words are so far from the truth. I continue to remind myself that others need to see me in their own way for their own personal journey, it truly has nothing to do with me. People will find ways of feeding their own story until they make the choice to awaken to their own truth, and own their emotions, circumstances, and behavior. In the past I may have come to the conclusion that, “if I speak my truth, I get abandoned, it is wrong, I am wrong, I need to fix it so they aren’t angry with me, what can I do to make them comfortable, I should not speak up.” Wow, what a heavy energy that is! No wonder I was depressed! The heavy energy has lifted for the most part, which is pure grace. I am very grateful. I see myself as I am, and I truly love what I see. I wish this for you and for everyone.

 

….when you start feeling the truth of who you are and also expressing this, you are loving yourself. When you love yourself, you begin loving the world around you. When you love the world around you, you are open to the love that the Universe has been holding for you all along….

 

 

Share

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Depression, Healing & personal growth, healing from depression, Help with depression, Nurture yourself, Self-love | 2 Comments »

Love yourself, heal yourself; love everyone, heal the planet

Written by Amie on June 13, 2013 – 2:25 am -

65% of people are unhappy

The energy in the universe is so heavy right now. I feel it on a daily basis. I believe that if each individual person can work on healing themselves, then the whole planet will shift. In fact, I believe we are in the midst of a huge shift of consciousness right now. I believe that the negative energy of each individual is fueling the negative chaotic happenings in the world at this time. And, people are at a very heightened stage of negativity. So many people are depressed. I heard a statistic the other day that said 65% of people are unhappy. Things are happening more rapidly, and time feels as though it is moving faster. Things in the political arena have gone haywire, and people are doing crazy things. People are desperately trying to hang on to the “old way” of doing things, which is not working, but many are having a difficult time letting go. With all of this being said, I think this is a good thing. Negative, traumatic, hateful, old beliefs and patterns, old ways of being with each other that are not nurturing, sadness, grief, etc….all of these things are coming up in people because the universe wants us all to heal. These things are coming up so that together, we can work on healing ourselves which in turn will heal the planet. The unhealthy state of the planet is equal to the unhealthy state of the human population. When we are able to heal our self-hate and judgment of one another, and instead come together to listen to and love each other, the planet will heal. Every time a person heals themselves, more love is put into the universe. When groups of people come together in mediation and/or prayer, healing for the whole universe happens. Focusing on loving ourselves is the same as loving other people. The more we love ourselves. the more we love others, and the more the planet heals. Love heals.

permission_to_shinekellyraeroberts

(this beautiful creation is by Kelly Rae Roberts. My sister gave me this, and it is so special to me)

YOU ARE THE MIGHTY OCEAN IN A DROP

In order to get to self love, we must look at the darkness within. It can be scary, it can be painful, and there may be a lot of grief to get through. But each time you peel back a layer of darkness, you put more love into your soul and more love into the soul of the universe. You are a piece of the whole. This is one of my favorite quotes:  “YOU ARE NOT JUST A DROP IN THE OCEAN. YOU ARE THE MIGHTY OCEAN IN A DROP.’ by Rumi.  It is so true. We are each other, we are the universe, we are every single being, plant, water, animal, everything. So when we hurt ourselves, we hurt everyone and everything. When we love ourselves, we love everyone and everything.  *This* is how powerful you really are. I promise you. When you get through the conditioned lies that you have lived with up until now, you will see your pure loving soul. You will see how bright your light is shining right inside you. You are depressed for a reason. The reason is that it is your time to heal so that you can be a light to others, to help them see their light. You are not the stories you have been told, you are not the pain you have endured, you are not the mean hateful accusations that others have spewed at you. Each and every one of us is born pure love. Over the years we are dealt different levels of lessons. Some we label painful, some we label traumatic, some we label horrible, etc. But all of these things made you who you are today. And you are perfection. If you can find it in your heart to face the darkness, do your work to overcome the lies and untruths someone else put on you, then you will begin to see the beauty inside you.

each of us has the responsibility of healing our own pain

When others lash out at you, it is their emotional pain talking.  Remind yourself that it is their emotional pain being expressed externally. They feel so horrible inside, that they aren’t able to contain it or express it in a healthy way, so they may lash out at others. It is not about you. It is best to move away from them if they continue to do this. It is not your responsibility to take on anyone else’s pain. Each of us has the responsibility of healing our own pain. In fact, we are the only ones who know our own pain and suffering. One factor of depression may be the result of taking on others pain and suffering. Others can be helpful and supportive, but we have to feel the pain, and allow the process to evolve. Sometimes, it is too painful, and one may choose to stay in denial. It is understandable. What I am saying is that if one wants to live a fully awakened life, sharing and loving with others, the hard work has to be done. Living is very different than just surviving your day. Fully living means to feel and be in the moment as it happens. Depression and anxiety can be overwhelming when our pain takes over. I understand this completely. And this is the reason that self compassion and self love have to practiced. Loving self talk has to the first step in healing. You have been beating yourself up for way too long. And, you don’t deserve to have someone else’s negative self talk running through your head as though it is truth. Negative self talk is the accumulation of dysfunctional behavior, other people’s emotional pain, and conditioned messages you picked up from traumatic or very stressful events in your life. You were not born with negative self talk. It was learned. And the awesome news is that it can be unlearned! I promise you!!! Little by little, or sometimes big by big, this self talk can be quieted and loving, nurturing talk can replace it. It takes awareness and practice, while you are working on peeling away the layers of untruths, and working through stressful traumatic experiences.

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.”~the Buddha(although many say the Buddha didn’t say this, I still love the quote!)

 

begin loving yourself right in this moment, even if it feels fake

I know how difficult depression is, I promise you, I have been so low I didn’t think I would survive. But I am here to tell you, you are pure love, you can heal, and there is nothing wrong with you. Right now, you are already perfect. Begin loving yourself right in this moment, even if it feels fake. Nurture yourself every single chance you get, even if it feels undeserved. Reach out to those you feel connected to. Distance yourself from those who hurt you, unless they are actively working on healing their own pain. If you choose to have them in your life, set boundaries to protect yourself from negativity and hateful words and actions until they can meet you in a healthy place. You can still have compassion for them without allowing them to hurt you. Give yourself time and space and love and nurture and connect with those who love and support you. Self love takes practice. Write yourself loving reminders, hang pictures that remind you to love and nurture yourself, read books that remind you to love yourself. Take time to process the experiences in your life that hurt you but remain repressed. Find a therapist who can gently help you through the process. We are all human and we all have emotional baggage and pain. It is what we decide to do with the pain that will determine how much love will be in our lives. Love yourself, heal the planet. You are loved!

Share

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Awareness, Connection, Depression, healing from depression, Help with depression, Nurture yourself, Self hate, Self-love | No Comments »
RSS