The journey of looking within and learning to accept the capabilities of others

Written by Amie on May 1, 2012 – 10:33 pm -

Healing from the inside out; severe depression and unhappiness

I often wonder why some people decide to begin the journey of looking within themselves and others do not. I know in my case, my motivation was severe depression and pure unhappiness. Resentment, loneliness, and sadness were mixed in there as well. For me, it was a matter of survival. I knew if I didn’t find a way to change the way I was feeling, I may not make it. That’s the truth. The journey of looking within oneself is not easy. Questioning everything you ever thought to be true can be very scary. It can feel as though your whole life is changing and the world as you know it is no longer there. Both of these statements are true. Your world will change, sometimes drastically, and the world as you knew it will no longer be. I suppose this is the reason so many people never even step foot on the road to looking within. What these people will never know then, is that this journey is incredible! Healing from the inside out is the most rewarding experience and, in my opinion, one of the reasons we are here in these physical bodies. I don’t believe we are here to suffer and to feel miserable and angry. I believe we are here to discover the truth we were born with, and to feel infinite amounts of love. I think I am here and you are here, to discover that we *are* love, pure love, and that we are magnificent beings who are all attached to each other by a thread that connects us all.

it is a spiritual process

I know that at the beginning of my journey, I was unaware of  many possibilities and ideas. I had been repressing my feelings(my truth) for so long, I had no idea I was covering my true self up. I never knew to question who I was. Depression took over my life, and my feelings became unbearable. I knew something was very wrong. The way I felt could not possibly be as good as it gets.  I began looking for help. I signed up for a six week healing group for women. It opened my eyes to so many things about myself. It opened my heart in a way I had never experienced. Being with and learning from other women was a huge leap onto the path I continue on today. From this group I found my therapist, who is incredible. I believe she has been integral in my growth because she did and continues to do her own growth work. I believe a therapist can only take us as far along on our path to healing as they have gone on their own path. I believe this is why I went to several therapists before my current one, and left feeling just as bad as when I started! There is so much more to good therapy than just sitting there talking and listening. So much more. It is a spiritual process.

I made the choice to look at myself and to process the resentment, anger, sadness, loneliness, and most importantly, to learn to *feel* my feelings

I have been on this path for quite a few years now. I can honestly say that my depression has been gone for awhile now. I believe this is because I made the choice to look at myself and to process the resentment, anger, sadness, loneliness, and most importantly, to learn to *feel* my feelings. I processed so many emotions that had been stuck inside me. I acknowledged them, felt them, and then let them leave my body. Sometimes they would resurface, sometimes not. If they resurfaced, it meant I didn’t get it all out the first time, and this is okay! Little by little, my depression began to lift. Sometimes it was three steps forward, two steps back. This is part of the process. The habit of repressing your feelings(your truth), is not always simple to change, especially if you have been doing it most of your life. So, the important thing to remember is to be gentle with yourself throughout the process. Even if the voice inside your head is self-hate, keep telling yourself, “I AM LOVE”. Even if that doesn’t feel true YET, keep saying it.

it is simply impossible for your “world” to be the same as it was before you started your journey

Once I started feeling better, I made the assumption that the relationships in my life would stay the same! I know, right? How could that be possible? Unless everyone in your life is also working on their own inner life, and growing along with you, it is simply impossible for your “world” to be the same as it was before you started your journey. So, this is where I had to learn about the capabilities of others. I couldn’t assume that because I was growing and changing, everyone else in my life would as well. This is very far from the truth. I had to learn to accept the fact that we are all on different growth time lines and paths. Our journeys all look different. Even when we end up in the same place, the journey to get there looks very different. Honestly, acknowledging the truth that some people in my life are not always capable(and I don’t mean this in a bad way, it is just where they are) of accepting where I am on my path was a difficult process for me. It was difficult to accept the fact that they are not capable of being emotionally available in a way I need them to be. For the most part, I have accepted this, and I find other ways to fulfill my needs. There are still times when I wish for things to be different. But things are as they are, and that is the truth in this moment. Accepting this truth has not been easy. If we continue to wish for someone to change, we prolong our own suffering. We are fighting against *what is*. I learned to accept what is true in each moment by allowing myself to feel my feelings about that truth. I had to feel the sadness and the disappointment of the truth that some people in my life are not capable right now to give me what I need. I had to feel the anger and the resentment of the truth that they are not able to see who I really am. I also had to let these people know how I was feeling about this fact. Once I was able to feel my truth, and say my truth I was able to get to the place of accepting what is true in this moment.

This is a short video (1:47)  talking about how we all share the same open secret:

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How to nurture yourself to heal depression

Written by Amie on August 15, 2011 – 1:12 am -

The way to heal from depression is to honor your true voice

So many people are searching for ways to nurture themselves. So very sad that most people do not know how to do this. Most people are taught to think about everyone but themselves. Most people are taught to be concerned with what others think of them before being concerned about how they feel about themselves! People are conditioned to follow along with what “the authority” figures deem important. We have been conditioned to hide who we really are. The way to heal from depression is to honor your true voice. Let yourself be honest. Express how you really feel. Will this be easy after years of repressing and hiding your voice, your beliefs, your thoughts, your opinions, your truth? No, it just takes a lot of practice. Can you heal yourself from depression? Absolutely! But you have to be willing to show yourself. You have to practice facing your fear of being your true self. It won’t happen overnight, but if you keep practicing and you also practice compassion for yourself, you will transform your depression into self-love. You will soon be nurturing yourself because you listen to what your inner truth is telling you. Once you start listening to and acting on your truth, nurturing yourself is the result.

All of these things condition us to go against ourselves

Breaking free of the conditioning most people learn is the key to healing depression. Our world tells us we need to be perfect, be successful, be thin, be rich, be beautiful, be the same as everyone else, act happy, don’t feel emotion, hurry up, be nice, be who your parents want you to be, be who society wants you to be, don’t be angry, hide yourself, don’t trust yourself, listen to other people’s opinions of you, don’t listen to your inner voice, be afraid, listen to your fear, trust the authority even if it feels wrong to you….I could go on and on. None of these things are nurturing! All of these things condition us to go against ourselves. All of these things teach us to distrust our inner voice. These things are the reason why so many people are depressed! We have been conditioned to be afraid of showing the world our true inner beauty. Depression exists because our truth is locked in a box deep within. The harder we try to contain our truth, the angrier we feel. The more angry we feel, the harder we fight to try to contain our truth. The more we try to contain our truth, the more depressed we become. Depression gets deeper and deeper the longer the truth is hidden.

protect yourself by being “good”

It is not easy to say what you really want to say. This is especially true if you have been conditioned to believe you are somehow bad for stating your opinions or your needs. If, as a child, you were punished for needing anything, you learned to lock up your truth, and to hold in your thoughts and feelings. You learned that being “good” got you farther than expressing your truth did. It is fortunate that children have the built in ability to shut down parts of themselves in order to protect themselves. Emotions can be turned off, shut down. This happens for a reason. Humans are built to survive. This is a good thing. I learned to be thankful for my protective instincts. However, if you are an adult, you now have the ability to take care of yourself. You get to decide what is best for you, and who you will trust to be a part of your life. You no longer need these coping mechanisms that served you as a child. You are in charge of your life! This is great!

how to nurture yourself

So, I am back to the question of how to nurture yourself. I learned to nurture myself by listening to my inner voice, and then trying to follow it. I am still learning, but it is getting easier with practice. It takes so much practice! It is like learning a completely new skill. I am learning to have compassion for myself. I try to treat myself as I would treat a newborn baby or a very young child. I give myself a break when I revert back to my old habits. I allow myself time to sit and have a good cry. I honor the little girl in me who just wants to curl up and read a book. I listen to my body when it is telling me it needs to move. I get a massage to nurture my body. I feed my body foods that make it feel good. But, if I eat something that I know will make me feel bad afterward, I refrain from telling myself how bad I am. Instead, I say oops, maybe I won’t eat that next time. The key is to have compassion for yourself! Your inner judge has been abusive enough all of these years. Give yourself a break. Listen to what you tell yourself on a minute to minute basis. Write down what you say to yourself, and then apologize to your inner self. Become aware. The messages you are saying to yourself that are mean and judgmental are never true. It is all conditioning. Not of it is the truth. Remember that every single situation is neutral. It is the judgments and stories we tell ourselves that make them stressful.

You are love….you have the answers you need right inside you…..dig through the old lies and stories to re-discover the truth you were born with…..you are a beautiful soul…..you deserve to be here…..you deserve to feel joy every day……let go of the old stuff you have carried around for years…..question every single thing you tell yourself…..only keep it if you know it to be 100% true….that means you have to prove that it is true! Do something for yourself that feels good…right now….love…

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