Selfloveish-my new word!

Written by Amie on October 21, 2009 – 1:13 am -

Two definitions of selfish

What do you think? Do you like my new word? I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the whole selfish thing. There are times when I feel like I think way too much about myself. Then I gently remind myself of how I missed many years of never thinking of myself, so I can give myself a break. I think there are two definitions of the word “selfish”. One definition is the typical one. You know the one. Stop thinking of yourself and do something for someone else. Then the second definition is the one for my new word; “selfloveish”. This means it is OK for me to take some time and really check in with my inner self. Leave the world behind, and just focus on myself. In other words, I am loving myself, I am working on my self-love. I am being selfish enough to take care of me, and that is more than just OK.

What will the neighbors think?

How many of us have been taught that everyone else comes before we do? As children many people learn to always think about what “the neighbors” might think of us, or how certain things might be looked upon as being selfish. Well, I’ve had it up to my eyeballs worrying about what anyone else thinks. I pretty much stopped that worry awhile ago. As with most habits I had for awhile though, this one creeps in to remind me every so often that it is there. Again, I gently remind myself  it is time to be “selfloveish”. I sometimes think about how hard I have to work to not fall back to hating myself. For the most part, I am in a good place, loving myself in my “selfloveish” way! Then, I will have a few days of feeling as though I have one toe in the black hole. I have to talk to myself a lot on these kind of days. I did finally learn to embrace the darkness first instead of resisting it, so that’s a plus! Then, I have to remind myself of my favorite quote, “this too shall pass”, which is always does. The next part of the process is going back inside myself to remember the reasons why I love myself.

Woman meditating

Working hard to love myself

Is there some anger about the fact I have to “work on” loving myself, and making sure I take the time to be “selfloveish”? Absolutely! I still sometimes get led down the path of  the victim role. I think about “why haven’t I always loved myself, why was I not lovable, what was wrong with me?”  And, then, poof, I am able to remind myself that all of those negative stories were from dysfunctional parts of my life, parts that I didn’t have much control over. So, I honor that part of me, give myself extra love and attention, and I take time to be extra “selfloveish”. A year or two ago, I could not do this. I fill my head with the stories I know on a deep level, are my truth. If I am feeling extra angry, I always do some type of body movement-I shake my body while visualizing all of the negative stories flying out of me, and then flying out the window!

The victim voice

I realized that my victim voice has been hanging around a lot lately. Please know that I don’t mean “victim voice” in a bad way, just that it reminds me that I am no longer a victim, I am powerful and I create my life. I am definitely in control now. When I say victim voice, I mean the voice that believes there is something terribly wrong with me. I also honor and validate that voice, but then I gently remind it that I am not a victim anymore! So, I have been pondering why that voice is hanging around lately. One reason is I haven’t been “selfloveish” as much  as I need to. Even though I am still meditating everyday, I haven’t been giving myself enough time to really go inward to ponder what is brewing on the inside. I also know I have been going over some things about life in my earlier years, and those things were bringing up anger for me. So, I am doing more journaling and also writing here. It always helps!  Thank you for being out there reading my posts. Feel free to chime in with your experiences anytime I would love to hear about your experiences.

Watching the “rebirth” of my true self

I am giving myself a break and letting my feelings be there however they want to be. I will be “selfloveish” enough to listen to my anger, release it when it is ready, and then work on forgiving myself and others so I can keep moving on with this wild  journey. I know I will keep peeling back layers and layers of feelings and emotions. I peel some back, and I watch another part of my buried self come back to life. I guess it is a rebirth in some way. We go full circle, a part of us dies (all of those negative untrue stories), while a wonderful truth is reborn. The truth we were born with. This makes me feel so hopeful and excited. I am old enough now to actually witness my own birth of sorts. I can witness the beautiful parts of myself being born as I go along. I am so happy to be in a place now of being able to love those parts of me. I am so happy to be “selfloveish” enough to take the time to welcome each part of my true self back again. Each part of me that was lost can now come back to me, and I can celebrate each part, one at a time.

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