Rediscover the spark of life you were born with

Written by Amie on June 7, 2012 – 1:07 am -

You have the power to change the course of your life

In order for life to begin flowing through you again, you must learn to listen to that voice that tells you, “No! I don’t like this”, or “I don’t want to do this anymore”, or, “I really don’t enjoy this experience”, or “I really love being with this person”, or “I really love doing xyz.” Start honoring that voice! *That* voice is your spark of life, and once you open up to it, it will lead you to experiences that are for your highest good! You will start becoming aware of opportuities you may not have noticed before. We are all energy, and we must let our spark of life force energy flow through us in order for us to feel alive and healthy. If you are shut down to life, you are shut down to everyone, everything, and all opportunities for growth. If you are shut off from your life energy, your flow of aliveness, you can’t feel anything. You turn off your truth. This is the reason depression is rampant! You have been conditioned to shut down who you really are in order to become someone or something that is “more acceptable” in the eyes of the society around you. It is normal to feel very angry about this!!! It happens within our families as well. We have to turn off who we are in order to be what our family needs us to be. And, since the majority of people come from dysfunctional families, (sorry, but I believe that statement to be true),we must learn to adapt to the dysfunction of the family. We receive messages about ourselves based on the level of dysfunction our parents and past generations have. This in’t anybody’s fault, it has just been the evolution of humanity up to this point. But the key now is to BECOME AWARE! You have the power to change the course of your life, which also has the potential to change the course of your family! Awareness is the beginning! Don’t let people tell you that because so many people in your family are depressed, you must be too, and that you will just have to learn to live with it! That is a bunch of crap! Sorry, but it is! That is part of the dysfunction! Keep doing the same things, and we get the same results.

We received messages from many sources that told us who we really are was not acceptable

Earlier today I was remembering how closed off I felt from everything in life when I was in a deep depression. I was closed off to many people, most experiences, and really to life itself. It may not have looked that way to someone looking in from the outside. It looked like I was happy.  I didn’t realize how I had shut myself off from feeling anything at all.  All I knew is that I felt lifeless. I was just going through the motions of what I thought it meant to “be normal”.   We are all born with a spark of life energy. When I was depressed, that energy could no longer flow through me. Let me explain more. When a person is depressed, they become shut off from life energy. It is not uncommon for this to happen. If a person is severely depressed, their main goal is just to get through the day. So, life energy is shut off. When I say “life energy”, I mean “who you were really meant to be”. As children we lived in the moment, at least for a short time, hopefully. As we grew older, we received messages from many sources that told us who we really are was not acceptable, that we needed to be a certain way in order to live within the society we live in. So, slowly, our true self, the one we were born to be, started being covered up by who we thought we were supposed to be. Many people can continue on this way for the rest of their lives, basically just living, but not really being “alive”. There is a huge difference! Going through the motions of daily life, doing what we need to do to get by, this is not being alive! This is existing!

You always have a choice 

I did this for years. Many people do it. It is the norm of what we are taught is “the way to be”. Go here, do this, get this, do this, have these things, be this kind of person, say this, don’t say that…..etc etc….basically it is like being a robot who may or may not smile occasionally. Living this way means not having any time to feel anything. Keep yourself so busy and so focused on what has to be done next, that there is no time to tune into your inner life. It is always there, it never goes away. But it does get quiet if you never pay any attention to it. You were born with a spark of pure life energy! This is so exciting to me! It can never be taken from you, not ever! So, that is the great news! You always have a choice to look within to rediscover the spark of life that resides within you. No matter how old you are, no matter what you have been through, no matter how depressed you are or for how long, you can choose at any moment to reconnect with that spark of life within you! Being numb to life is a survival tool; a coping mechanism. When we are younger, we have to do this to survive our daily life if we don’t have anyone supporting the truth of who we really are. When we get older and have the freedom to live life our own way, we have to start questioning everything we were conditioned to believe about ourselves. I mean every single thing!!!!

dig deeper inside and really be honest about how fulfilled and connected you feel to life

There is a cure for depression, and it is called saying “no” to all of the BS we have been conditioned to believe. It is standing up and saying, *THIS* is who I really am, and *THIS* is how I am going to live my life. These are the things *I* believe, and I am going to live my life accordingly. Too bad if family members or friends don’t like it or disagree! It is your life, not theirs. Do you feel my passion?lol This is a very passsionate subject for me. Do you know why? Because I am in love with the person I found inside myself that I had forgotten about for what feels like a million years! I had to go through a lot of anger over the subject of ,”I can’t believe I had to hide this beauty for so many years. I have so much to offer this world, and so many years I had to hide that.” SO, please listen to me when I say that your depression is covering up an extraordinary, magnificent being!!! You are depressed because all of those negative experiences, messages, traumas, beliefs…all of the times you felt forced to conform so that you could fit in….are stuck in your body, and they overrule your true self right now. They have been in control for far too long.

Throw them away! Let them go!

These are the blocks to your inner beauty. Start little by little questioning every single thing you think in every single minute. Are they true?? Unless they are positive thoughts about yourself or things that lead to your growth, then they need to be disguarded. Throw them away! Let them go. Be gentle on yourself, this is not always an easy process. Little by little, your magnificence will emerge!!! Don’t believe the sayings, “this is the way I have always been,” or “my life is ok, I have food, clothes, shelter, and a family”……dig deeper inside and really be honest about how fulfilled and connected you feel. If there is emptiness and loneliness, your true life energy is turned way down. Become aware of what dreams or thoughts make you feel butterflies in your stomach, even if that dream feels impossible. Keep thinking about those things. Not in a way that you have to figure out right this second how to get them, just keeping them alive in you. *That* feeling is your truth, that feeling is *life* itself, that feeling is what you deserve to be feeling every single day! Really, I promise! It is possible, and it *will* happen, when you begin your journey of awareness. Question, question, question!!!!!

A video from Gangaji about self hatred:


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A retreat, a mantra, and who I know I am

Written by Amie on November 14, 2011 – 1:54 am -

My new mantra: “Be Who You Know You Are”

Before I get to the part about creating my new mantra, I want to share my weekend experience with you. I’ve been digging deep for the past three days, focusing on inner growth. I went on a retreat called, “the art of living”. Writing, creating art, singing, and movement were all included. Even though this is something I chose to do, I arrived with feelings of resistance. This is pretty typical for me though. It is an interesting process. So many times when I know I will be doing deep processing, I feel resistant to it. I know it is fear based. I think it is normal to be afraid of what I might find when I start digging around! In the past, I have often chosen to run from the experience, but for the past few years I have chosen to push myself past my comfort zone. As long as it is *my* choice to push myself, I am able to do it. If someone else tries to push me, that is never a good thing. Growth has to be a personal choice. Each individual knows when and if they feel ready to look within, and if they feel safe enough to share with others. For me, safety is a very important detail. I completely shut down emotionally if I don’t feel safe. It is the way I protect myself from being too vulnerable with someone I don’t trust. We all have things we do to protect ourselves, and this is a very good thing.

I made too many choices based on the conditioned belief that I should please others before considering my own truth

The nice thing about the retreat was that we always had the option of not participating. I suppose I could sit on the sidelines and never participate, but then what would be the point of going? It is so incredible to be in the company of others who are on a similar journey of self discovery. When others share what is true for them, there is always someone who is helped by their sharing. What a gift! I participated in some of the exercises on Friday and Saturday. I also chose not to share during a few of the exercises. It was interesting to notice how empowered I felt by knowing it was *my* choice whether or not to share. That, in itself felt great. I think this is a very important part of the healing process. I have to know *for sure* that it is my right to make choices and decisions for myself. This did not come easy for me in the past. I made too many choices based on the conditioned belief that I should please others before considering my own truth. I can say this is definitely no longer the case! Step by step, I have learned to speak up for myself and to put my foot down when something doesn’t feel right to me. It took me a very long time to trust my inner voice and to follow it. It was scary at first for sure! As I have said so many times before, depression will stay with you as long as you keep choosing to drown out your true voice. It is a process, so be gentle on yourself!

More about the retreat

Singing in a circle of women is so incredibly powerful! It is amazing to me how beautiful all of the voices sound together. Many of the women have been afraid to sing in the past. It was something new to them to hear their singing voice. I was always a bit shy about singing. In the past year, I have been focusing on my throat chakra, which has steadily helped me gain confidence in my singing voice. Feeling the vibration of my own voice is just amazing! Feeling 20 other voices along with mine was just beyond words. It felt wonderful! I really encourage you to use your voice as much as possible! Sing in your car, sing in the shower, sing whenever you can! It really is a healing tool. The more you sing, the easier it becomes to use your voice to speak your truth.

This has always been one of my favorite body movement videos. Always listen to your body, as it will tell you exactly how it wants to move. The key is to notice the judgments going on in your mind if there are any, but don’t believe them.

The people that bug us the most are our biggest teachers

Another part of the retreat was movement. I have talked on here quite a bit about how moving my body helps me release emotional energy. This happened again for me at the retreat. As I said at the beginning of this post, I was feeling resistant at first. I finally broke through it on the morning of the last day. We did a meditation/movement exercise, and the flood gates opened! I cried and moved and then cried some more. It felt so good to release a bunch of stuff I had been holding onto this whole week. Without going into too much detail because other people are involved, I will just say I lost trust in one person this week, and two people did things that triggered one of my biggest wounds. Each situation seemed insignificant at the time. However, after reacting to 3 different scenarios with the same core feeling, I knew it was a healing opportunity for me. One of my core wounds is that of feeling disregarded. In the past, I felt as though my voice, my opinion, and my true self were not heard or considered. Because the Universe is so amazing, it keeps giving me chances to heal this wound. People are in my life to help me heal. I know that sounds weird, but it is true! The people that bug us the most are our biggest teachers! Really, I promise you.

Helpful tools used in my journey through depression

All of the exercises we did at the retreat are tools I have used on my journey through depression. The retreat gave me the opportunity to go deeper in my healing. I am grateful for this. Now I will finally get to the  part about my mantra. I want to share this experience because I want to encourage you to make one for yourself. I have had many different mantras in the past few years. They are so comforting, empowering, and nurturing. It always amazes me to hear what others come up with for their mantras.  The process requires you to really listen to your inner knowing. When you ask yourself what your mantra should be, your body will respond. You may have to listen closely, and you may have to change it around a few times before you feel it is the right one. I had to play around with mine for awhile before I knew it was right. Also, we were asked to put a rhythm to the words. Some people even put body movements with theirs. I knew in my body when I found the exact words needed for my mantra. After the events from this week, I knew my mantra had something to do with being who I am and not being afraid to be that 100%. So, my new mantra is, “Be Who You Know You Are”.


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Posted in Connection, Depression, Healing & personal growth, Nurture yourself | 1 Comment »