A retreat, a mantra, and who I know I am

Written by Amie on November 14, 2011 – 1:54 am -

My new mantra: “Be Who You Know You Are”

Before I get to the part about creating my new mantra, I want to share my weekend experience with you. I’ve been digging deep for the past three days, focusing on inner growth. I went on a retreat called, “the art of living”. Writing, creating art, singing, and movement were all included. Even though this is something I chose to do, I arrived with feelings of resistance. This is pretty typical for me though. It is an interesting process. So many times when I know I will be doing deep processing, I feel resistant to it. I know it is fear based. I think it is normal to be afraid of what I might find when I start digging around! In the past, I have often chosen to run from the experience, but for the past few years I have chosen to push myself past my comfort zone. As long as it is *my* choice to push myself, I am able to do it. If someone else tries to push me, that is never a good thing. Growth has to be a personal choice. Each individual knows when and if they feel ready to look within, and if they feel safe enough to share with others. For me, safety is a very important detail. I completely shut down emotionally if I don’t feel safe. It is the way I protect myself from being too vulnerable with someone I don’t trust. We all have things we do to protect ourselves, and this is a very good thing.

I made too many choices based on the conditioned belief that I should please others before considering my own truth

The nice thing about the retreat was that we always had the option of not participating. I suppose I could sit on the sidelines and never participate, but then what would be the point of going? It is so incredible to be in the company of others who are on a similar journey of self discovery. When others share what is true for them, there is always someone who is helped by their sharing. What a gift! I participated in some of the exercises on Friday and Saturday. I also chose not to share during a few of the exercises. It was interesting to notice how empowered I felt by knowing it was *my* choice whether or not to share. That, in itself felt great. I think this is a very important part of the healing process. I have to know *for sure* that it is my right to make choices and decisions for myself. This did not come easy for me in the past. I made too many choices based on the conditioned belief that I should please others before considering my own truth. I can say this is definitely no longer the case! Step by step, I have learned to speak up for myself and to put my foot down when something doesn’t feel right to me. It took me a very long time to trust my inner voice and to follow it. It was scary at first for sure! As I have said so many times before, depression will stay with you as long as you keep choosing to drown out your true voice. It is a process, so be gentle on yourself!

More about the retreat

Singing in a circle of women is so incredibly powerful! It is amazing to me how beautiful all of the voices sound together. Many of the women have been afraid to sing in the past. It was something new to them to hear their singing voice. I was always a bit shy about singing. In the past year, I have been focusing on my throat chakra, which has steadily helped me gain confidence in my singing voice. Feeling the vibration of my own voice is just amazing! Feeling 20 other voices along with mine was just beyond words. It felt wonderful! I really encourage you to use your voice as much as possible! Sing in your car, sing in the shower, sing whenever you can! It really is a healing tool. The more you sing, the easier it becomes to use your voice to speak your truth.

This has always been one of my favorite body movement videos. Always listen to your body, as it will tell you exactly how it wants to move. The key is to notice the judgments going on in your mind if there are any, but don’t believe them.

The people that bug us the most are our biggest teachers

Another part of the retreat was movement. I have talked on here quite a bit about how moving my body helps me release emotional energy. This happened again for me at the retreat. As I said at the beginning of this post, I was feeling resistant at first. I finally broke through it on the morning of the last day. We did a meditation/movement exercise, and the flood gates opened! I cried and moved and then cried some more. It felt so good to release a bunch of stuff I had been holding onto this whole week. Without going into too much detail because other people are involved, I will just say I lost trust in one person this week, and two people did things that triggered one of my biggest wounds. Each situation seemed insignificant at the time. However, after reacting to 3 different scenarios with the same core feeling, I knew it was a healing opportunity for me. One of my core wounds is that of feeling disregarded. In the past, I felt as though my voice, my opinion, and my true self were not heard or considered. Because the Universe is so amazing, it keeps giving me chances to heal this wound. People are in my life to help me heal. I know that sounds weird, but it is true! The people that bug us the most are our biggest teachers! Really, I promise you.

Helpful tools used in my journey through depression

All of the exercises we did at the retreat are tools I have used on my journey through depression. The retreat gave me the opportunity to go deeper in my healing. I am grateful for this. Now I will finally get to the  part about my mantra. I want to share this experience because I want to encourage you to make one for yourself. I have had many different mantras in the past few years. They are so comforting, empowering, and nurturing. It always amazes me to hear what others come up with for their mantras.  The process requires you to really listen to your inner knowing. When you ask yourself what your mantra should be, your body will respond. You may have to listen closely, and you may have to change it around a few times before you feel it is the right one. I had to play around with mine for awhile before I knew it was right. Also, we were asked to put a rhythm to the words. Some people even put body movements with theirs. I knew in my body when I found the exact words needed for my mantra. After the events from this week, I knew my mantra had something to do with being who I am and not being afraid to be that 100%. So, my new mantra is, “Be Who You Know You Are”.

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The other side of depression….feeling alive again

Written by Amie on October 6, 2011 – 2:40 am -

Your depression can be healed

I keep sitting down to write and then I can’t seem to finish. I am going to try again! A friend of mine helped me see that I may be having a difficult time writing because I no longer suffer from depression. This is an incredible gift! This site began because it helped me to write about my journey with depression. So, maybe I just need to change the focus a bit. First of all, I want you to know that *your* depression can be healed. I promise you that. As long as you are willing to do the work, you can feel better. I feel so grateful for the way I feel right now. I honestly can say I have never felt better in my life. I have never felt this alive ever before. It is so obvious to me now that I was completely shut down for most of my life. I was depressed for many years. So, here I am….really feeling fantastic! Please don’t read that and get discouraged if you are feeling horrible right now. I remember feeling horrible and then reading something positive and just wanting to punch the screen. I would mumble under my breath some pretty nasty remarks to the person who was feeling good. I know, pretty helpful, huh? So, please stay with me here, and keep reading. My intention for this website has not changed. I truly want to help others who are suffering. I want to share the things that have gotten me to this much healthier place.

Homeopathy

I must give homeopathy a huge shout out because I believe that without it, I might still be struggling. I was very very depressed. I thought I was as low as I could go. I was wrong. My brother committed suicide. There was a lower place than where I was. I honestly didn’t think I could pull myself out of it. But, I did. With the help of an incredible therapist, an incredible homeopath, the best friends ever, family support (which is difficult when you are all suffering from the same trauma), and some other tools. However, the fuel for my recovery was homeopathy. It helped ignite my life force. It wasn’t fast and it wasn’t always easy, but it was the best thing I have ever done. And believe me, I have tried so many avenues. I knew that antidepressants were not an option this time. I realized that I had to *feel* and not try to push away my truth. Homeopathy fit the bill. It helped me to do all of the other things that have been instrumental in my healing. E-mail me if you need a recommendation for a homeopath.

I woke up!

The fact that you are searching the Internet and the fact that you landed here tells me that you are awakening. This is the most exciting thing ever!!! If you stay with yourself, and allow yourself to *feel*, you will heal your depression. Waking up is the beginning. Knowing that you don’t want to suffer anymore is key. Seeing things for what they truly are, and seeing people in your life for who they truly are keeps you moving on the path of awakening. My soul woke me up. The birth of my children began the process for me. I saw in them what I was missing in my life. The love I showered on them was the love I missed growing up. Their birth awakened something deep deep inside me. I was able to *feel* the giant hole inside me that needed to be filled. As time went on, I continued to grow. I continued to see things more clearly. I saw people in a different light. The most important thing is that I was truthful with myself. I started finally telling myself the truth of  what I felt and what I needed and what I like and dislike. This was huge! I had to learn how to allow all of this without holding on to the guilt and shame that was attached to it. 

I love myself now!

This is the most incredible feeling in the world! I can honestly say I am completely in love with myself now. And I do not feel an ounce of guilt saying that! It began with learning to nurture myself. I learned to do things that fed my soul, my spirit. I learned to tell people no! I learned to stay away from people who didn’t feed the goodness in me. Was it easy? Hell no!!!! But am I stronger? Hell yes!!! Do I know for sure I am a strong empowered woman? Hell yes!!!! It takes work. It takes learning to talk back to the voice inside your head that is feeding you lies. Trust me, the voices are not you! They are lies. Loving myself feels so wonderful, I can’t describe it. I meditate every day. I feel out of sorts without it. I exercise at least 5 days a week. All of these things happened because I was ready. I do not push myself to do any of it. It all comes natural now. I crave doing things that feel good. And, back to homeopathy-it is the driving force. I believe these things all come naturally to me now because I am more in balance mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically. There is so much more, but I must go to sleep.

Contact me with questions, as I am truly here to help

 

You are love….you have the answers you need right inside you…..dig through the old lies and stories to re-discover the truth you were born with…..you are a beautiful soul…..you deserve to be here…..you deserve to feel joy every day……let go of the old stuff you have carried around for years…..question every single thing you tell yourself…..only keep it if you know it to be 100% true….that means you have to prove that it is true! Do something for yourself that feels good…right now….love…

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Posted in Awareness, Depression, Healing & personal growth, Homeopathy, Meditation, Nurture yourself | 8 Comments »
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