Taking back your power from depression

Written by Amie on February 6, 2012 – 1:20 am -

You are love….you have the answers you need right inside you…..dig through the old lies and stories to rediscover the truth you were born with…..you are a beautiful soul…..you deserve to be here…..you deserve to feel joy every day……let go of the old stuff you have carried around for years…..question every single thing you tell yourself…..only keep it if you know it to be 100% true….that means you have to prove that it is true! Do something for yourself that feels good…right now….tell yourself you are falling in love with…..YOU! 🙂

You have power!

Okay, here we go…….I have been having a bit of trouble writing lately because there is a tiny part of me that does not want to own my true power. I am right on the edge of stepping 100% into who I truly am. What am I afraid of? I am a tiny bit afraid of being seen as a “know it all”. Honestly, that is my truth right now. Up until a few years ago, I played small. I played the game of pretend….pretending I didn’t have power inside me….pretending I didn’t know how powerful I really am. When I say powerful, I do not mean this in an ego-based way….I am talking about the power every single one of us has because we are all a part of the same source. The only problem is, so many of us either do not recognize it, do not own it, or choose to keep it hidden. This is sad. Instead, most people are taught to play small; to go along with the crowd so as not to “make waves”. That was me. Until now.

threshold of fear

Here I go….I am stepping over that tiny threshold of fear, and letting go of the untrue thought that people will think I am a know it all. Even if someone does think that, it really isn’t about me, it is about them. I want to share with you what I *know* for certain. When I was severely depressed, this message most likely would not have made a difference to me, so I understand if this does not resonate with you *right now*. This is what I have come to know without an ounce of doubt and I want to share it with each and every person I come into contact with. Maybe you already know this and feel this deep in your bones. I pray that you do!!! I began the journey of learning this message after my kids were born. However, I did not *feel* it so deeply until the last year or so. If I could explain to you how I felt at the beginning of this journey, and how I feel now….you would be utterly amazed beyond words. I know I am. I came back to the truth that I know we are all born with.

So, this is what I know. These words are not mine. I just happen to be the conduit for them.

blaming others 

Depression is your soul’s way of trying to wake you up to remember your truth. I know I have said this before, but I must keep repeating it. Depression is your soul’s way of screaming (gently!) to you to please come back to realize you are magnificent. One reason you are feeling so badly about yourself is because you bought into (innocently)the nonsense that people who were supposed to love and protect you, either told you, or showed you, via their actions. This is not the fault of anyone. They were taught the same lessons they passed on to you, and for whatever reason, it was not their time to wake up and realize how dysfunctional their behaviors were. Many people have very sensitive souls. If this is the case for you, it was even more difficult for you to be with dysfunctional people in your life. Your soul was screaming out your truth, and this truth was shut down by dysfunctional people and/or a dysfunctional society. You learned to hide. If we stay hidden for too long, we have no choice but to shut down the truth that we were born with.

learning to take back your power

I am not saying all of this so you can blame your depression on someone else. That is not my message here. You are exactly where you are supposed to be. Your life experiences made you the perfect soul you are today. I am telling you this to encourage you to take back your power. When you allow yourself to see and feel the pain and hurt you have endured in your life, you automatically take back the power that was taken from you. Each time you question something you were taught to believe, you gain back power.  The more you question, the more you gain your power back. I am telling you this so that you can understand why you may be hating yourself right now. Your soul is weighted down with self-hate messages that are just plain lies. When you believe the self-hate, you can’t function in your truth. You are fighting against self-hate. The way to get out of depression is to start loving yourself. And, please believe me, I understand this does not always happen overnight. I say “not always”, because I want to leave the possibility open for you to believe it actually *can* happen overnight. Self-love begins when you start listening to and questioning the voices and messages in your head. Replace the lies with the truth. The truth is, every single one of us is here to give and receive unconditional love.

we are all mirrors for each other

We are here to see the beauty in each and every living being we come into contact with. Each being we come into contact with is a mirror for us. Each being has a part of us in them. We are all a part of each other. What I dislike in another person, I also dislike in myself. What I love in another, I love in myself. What irritates me in another, also irritates me in myself. This is a difficult pill to swallow sometimes, but it is the truth. Once we can see ourselves in every single living person/animal/flower etc., we will know unconditional love and we are free. Start by looking at every thought that goes through your mind….every reaction you have……every belief you have…..every choice you make…..and then question it…..while always being as gentle with yourself as you would be with a young baby. Nurture yourself by allowing your truth to surface without judging it. Replace the self-hate with a loving thought, even if it doesn’t feel true right now.

 

You are love….you have the answers you need right inside you…..dig through the old lies and stories to re-discover the truth you were born with…..you are a beautiful soul…..you deserve to be here…..you deserve to feel joy every day……let go of the old stuff you have carried around for years…..question every single thing you tell yourself…..only keep it if you know it to be 100% true….that means you have to prove that it is true! Do something for yourself that feels good…right now….tell yourself you are falling in love with…..YOU! 🙂

 

 

 

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Getting past the pretending to discover gratitude

Written by Amie on December 16, 2011 – 5:41 pm -

“When we understand that the ability to live with any situation is not in what happens, but in our relationship to ourselves and our own minds, we are free. Absolutely, breathtakingly free.” ~ Geneen Roth

 

I seemingly “had everything I needed”

When I was feeling depressed and hopeless, gratitude was very difficult for me to even consider. I did not feel grateful for much during that time, even though I seemingly “had everything I needed”. It made me feel guilty when I couldn’t get to the feeling of being grateful for everything I had. I thought I should be the most grateful person in the world. I used this as just another way to beat myself up. I would tell myself things like, “you should be grateful, how can you not be grateful? You have such an easy life.” Now that I am on the other side of depression, it is clear to me the pattern I followed my whole life. I kept pretending everything was okay. The pattern was set early in my life. “You have everything you need, so don’t complain. Just smile and get on with it!” I did this for most of my life. I did the things others expected of me, and lived my life in pretend land.

“if you can’t be happy in this situation, what is wrong with you?

I had even convinced myself I was happy. Then reality hit. My heart and soul would no longer agree with the lies my mind was telling me. My heart and soul started getting louder than my mind. Something was way off. I couldn’t put my finger on it at first. I tried to continue telling myself the lies that had worked up until this point. “You are so fortunate, you *should* be happy.” Then the voice of the judge took over to tell me how bad I was for wanting anything other than what I had, even happiness. “There is something terribly wrong with you if you can’t be happy in this situation, what is wrong with you?” On and on went the mean voices, trying to convince me *not to* explore any further. The mind does not like to be questioned. This is the ego, (or the “pain-body”, according to Eckhart Tolle) and it is very strong. Once I started questioning everything, my mind would try to push back against me, trying to convince me not to question my life. The mind (or ego, or pain-body) likes being comfortable; which means, “keep doing the same thing you have always done.” It really is like fighting a separate person for awhile. However, the more I kept questioning, the quieter and quieter my mind got. The more I questioned, the more I needed to process my feelings around the things I questioned. This doesn’t mean having to figure anything out. I just had to *feel* my feelings about the things that came up. There were times when I felt worse before I felt better, but slowly the mind started to quiet down.

don’t worry so much about “getting it right”

I sat down to write about gratitude today, so I am going to skip ahead to that now! I want you to know, I didn’t go from being completely depressed for years to suddenly feeling gratitude. I have written about my process in past posts, and will write about it in future ones. I know it can be very difficult to feel gratitude if you don’t love yourself. So, please be gentle on yourself if you are “trying” to feel gratitude but you don’t feel it is genuine. Just keep going through the exercise of thinking of things you *could possibly* be grateful for. Don’t worry so much about “getting it right”. There is no “right”. If something makes you feel good even for a split second, say to yourself, “I’m grateful for that”. Please, please, please don’t use this exercise as a way to beat yourself up. Everything in this process of waking up from depression is part of the journey. Nothing is right or wrong, it just “is”. So there is no need to try to do it right. Just be grateful for yourself in this moment, be grateful for your breath, be grateful that you can stand, or walk, or sit, or see….start with the seemingly “small” things that will at some point feel like the biggest, most important. Just say it and let it go…I’m grateful for…….the gift of……..YOU!

“fake it til you make it” 

The true feeling of gratitude will come in time. I now feel gratitude every single day. I really *feel* it in my body. I used to just say it, but not feel it. Now I feel it. I want to share with you what I do each day because it is so powerful in my life. In this case, I do agree with the “fake it til you make it” saying. I do think it is beneficial to find things to be grateful for each day, even if you can’t get to the feeling of it. Keep trying, but without judgment of yourself. So what if you can’t come up with anything except the blanket covering you right now. It’s all okay! One day, you will start feeling gratitude, and it will feel so good!

my process

Each day I sit down and write one whole page of what I am grateful for. I just make a list. Some days I have the same things as the day before, but I still write them out new each time. Some days I may have a completely new list. Some days I may have trouble coming up with a whole page, but I keep at it until I fill my page. And I always feel better when I finish. The other day I started writing the words, “I am grateful for, “the gift of” , instead of just writing the words, “I am grateful for”. I can’t believe the difference in how this felt in my body. Just adding the words “the gift of” made me feel even more grateful. It was amazing to me how different it felt to think in terms of receiving a gift. It was a new perspective to me. I feel surrounded by abundance. I receive so many gifts each day, every moment. Right now I am receiving the gift of connection, the gift of breath, the gift of sight, the gift of warmth, the gift of feeling vulnerable, the gift of the sweet taste of chocolate, etc etc. These are all gifts to be grateful for. I wanted to put this out there in case in helps you in your process. Let me know what you think!

***you are loved….you are perfect as you are…..I am grateful for the gift of your presence……all is well…..breathe…..receive the gift of yourself……you are love…..***

“Being Ourselves”

 

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