Surrender,accept,let go and remember self-love

Written by Amie on August 22, 2013 – 1:32 am -

“The way back to my real environment, the place where my soul was meant to exist, doesn’t lie through any set of codes I will ever find outside of myself. I have to look inward. I have to jettison every sorrow, every terror, every misconception, every lie that stands between my conscious mind and what I know in my heart to be true. Instead of clutching around me all of the trappings of a “good” person, a “successful” person, or even a “righteous” person, I have to be exactly what I am, and take the horrible chance that I may be rejected for it. I can’t get home by cloaking myself in the armor of any system; social, political, or religious. I have to strip off all that comforting armor and go on naked”. ~Martha Beck

 

the scary part

Another layer of healing and I feel like I am recovering faster each time. The pain is deep, but I don’t stay in the pain for very long. Crying is so healing and cleansing. First the anger, then the sadness, deep grieving, and then relief. I feel lighter each time. I remember a time when I would stay in the anger phase without allowing the raw feelings underneath to come to the surface. Staying in anger creates resentment and eventually depression. I know this now, and I continue to work on it. Allowing the raw feelings underneath the anger to surface is the scary part at first, but once they show themselves, great relief comes sooner. Anger is always a sign that there are needs not being met, a sign that something is not “right”. I think as a culture we have been taught that anger is bad, but I disagree. Anger is only an unhealthy thing if a person stays in the anger stage without processing the real feelings underneath, or if they act out of anger and harm another person. When used as a sign that something is off, anger is a wonderful tool.

incapable of really *seeing* me and *hearing* me

I was very angry last night. I received another letter from someone who has hurt me deeply but won’t acknowledge their part in the  hurt. This person denies ever hurting me. This person goes so far as to act completely perplexed as to why I am hurt. Hearing this hurts even more. At least it did temporarily. The anger turned to hurt and sadness pretty quickly. And then the grief hit today. The letter I received made it so clear that this person will not take responsibility for the hurt they have caused. The clarity helped me see that I need to let go of the hope that things can be any different. I surrender to what is. The facts keep being shown to me. The fact that this person is incapable of really *seeing* me and *hearing* me. And this person is incapable of taking ownership of the hurt they have caused. So for me, I accept them for who they are, but that doesn’t mean I will subject myself to further hurt. People continue to hurt others when they are incapable of noticing how their words and actions affect others. I understand, but that doesn’t mean I will choose to be with people who do this.

I love myself and I have compassion for myself

So, I continue to let go. It is a process to be sure. It is not easy, but it is getting easier. It is difficult to truly let go of the hope that things will change. But if I hold on to hope, it keeps me suffering. It keeps me in a holding pattern so to speak. Waiting and hoping. Not a healthy way to live. So, I surrender to what is, I let go, I accept, and I send healing and love to those who have hurt me. If I find myself wishing for something to be different, or wishing for someone to finally understand and take responsibility for their actions, I am not letting go. I am holding on. It is a slow process. I have to remind myself often to trust the Universe. Everything happens for a reason, everything unfolds exactly as it should. I continue and I trust. And I send more love to them. I hear what they say and I remind myself that they are in pain. I surrender. I accept. I let go. And most importantly, I love myself and I have compassion for myself. I honor all of my feelings, and I allow myself to feel however I feel without judgment.

a song that helps me process my emotions

I want to share this song with you that I listen to when I feel angry. It is helpful when I know there are deeper feelings underneath the anger wanting to be felt. It really helps me feel my anger and then let it go so that the feelings underneath can come up. The meaning of the song has nothing to do with why I listen to it. I feel the emotion in the song, and I believe this is the reason it is helpful for me when I’m angry and I am having trouble allowing my emotions to emerge. 

It is Dixie Chicks, “Not Ready TO Make Nice”

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Stop Resisting & Start Loving

Written by Amie on August 22, 2009 – 12:22 am -

Body image

It seems as though my last post and the Byron Katie video hit home with many people. I received quite a few personal e-mails in response to them. I thought I would write more on this subject, because it has been a huge issue for me in the past few years, and I think it is a common issue for many people. I know that I have been pretty harsh on my own body for quite some time now. While I was walking today, I realized that I have made a significant shift in my thinking. The outcome is that I stopped resisting and fighting against my body, and in turn I trust my body and I am learning to love it again. I realized how I was in a war with my own body! I would want it to be different than it is, it wouldn’t change to look exactly how I thought it should, then I would tell it how much I hate it. Wow. I have read, listened to meditations, listened to seminars about body image, but it never hit me like this. I wanted to believe everything I learned, but I would feel positive until I put the book down, or stopped listening.

Stop Resisting

The difference this time is that I have stopped resisting. When this came to mind, I was reminded of Eckhart Tolle’s teaching, “resist nothing”. Wow, I must have really been ready for this message, as it did not affect me so deeply the first few times I read it. I understood it, but I guess I just wasn’t ready to hear it. I feel so positive right now about my body, I can’t even believe I am the same person. I am saying this to be encouraging, to let you know that it can change, and it will change, WHEN you are ready. I remember hearing other people say that, and I would feel so frustrated! I could not imagine how they could get to that place! Do I look exactly how I want to look? No. However, I keep talking to my body saying, thank you for knowing exactly what you need. I trust you completely to do what you need to do. Thank you for taking care of me for all of these years. I know I said it in my last post, but I have to say it again. I feel loved and nurtured by my body! I feel that it is taking care of me. I can trust that it will tell me what it needs. When my bodytells me it  needs to move, I know it, and I go move. It doesn’t feel like a chore at all. It feels wonderful. And, the absolutely amazing  thing is that I have no agenda. I am not walking to lose weight, or to achieve anything. I am walking because I trust that that is what my body needs.

Setting an intention

At the beginning of the year in my women’s group, I came up with my intention for the year. I think I may have written on here about it. My intention is, “May I trust my inner knowing to reveal my authentic self.”  With this new relationship I have with my body, I really feel like this intention is slowly unfolding. When I am aware and listening to my body, I am in a conscious state, which is my authentic self. When I ignore this voice, I am not  coming from a place of authenticity. When I shut down, I am resisting something. I am trying to change something that can’t be changed. I am fighting against something. I am reminded of Byron Katie’s teachings, loving what is. When we question our thoughts-the ones we are having that are trying to resist what is, we suffer less. For example, when I am in resistance mode about my body, I am saying things like, “my body should be in better shape.” Says who? I am now telling myself that my body is exactly how it needs to be right now. It knows what it needs, and I trust that it will do exactly what it needs to.

Our bodies are Amazing!

I keep coming back to how absolutely amazing our bodies really are. Everything in my body serves a purpose, and it knows exactly what. Each of our bodies look different and feel different and react different, because that’s exactly what they are supposed to be doing. They will let us know when something needs changed. And, until we are ready to listen to them, they will wait patiently for us. They might give us some warnings if they need something sooner than we are ready, but they will send us messages. Once we start accepting and trusting our bodies, it is easier to accept and love our whole self!

Louise Hay-Loving Yourself Part 1 & 2

Also, here is a really nice Deepak Chopra video called “The Wonder of You.”

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