Surrender-give up?

Written by Amie on June 3, 2009 – 1:18 am -

The voice

I have probably talked about this before, but maybe not using the word surrender. This word keeps creeping into my psyche lately, so I am examining what it means to me. I had to shut down that voice in my head that kept trying to make me believe that surrendering meant giving up.  So, I do know that I suffer when I try to fight against something that is what it is. Trying to change something that is supposed to be the way it is. When I allow myself to accept and surrender, I suffer less. I know that when I was suffering through a deep depression, I was fighting against what “was”. I was trying to fight it to make it go away. I have since learned to just surrender to it-feel it and let it do it’s thing. Let the emotions flow through me. I guess it is the whole resistance thing-what you resist persists. Boy, is that ever true. When I would try to figure out what my depression was all about, or try to know why I was depressed, I suffered because I was not surrendering to it, I was resisting it.

Too scary

I am going through an internal process this week, trying to figure out why I sometimes resist “what is”, why do I question what is and try to change it? I have come to the conclusion that sometimes it feels too scary to open myself up to my emotions. I have somehow learned that feeling my real feelings means something bad might happen, or I will be judged harshly.  However, I am also getting a lot of practice with feeling my feelings, so the more I do it, the easier it gets. It is amazing to me how often we push away our deep emotions-our truth. It is sad to me to think of how often we are taught to “suck it up”, avoid our feelings just so someone else isn’t inconvenienced. We have learned to shut part of ourselves down, to kill some of our “aliveness”. Pretty soon, we don’t even know anything is amiss. We go through our lives like robots, performing what we need to do in order to appear as though we are living “normal”, “happy” lives. When we surrender, we start to learn to be who we were meant to be. Watch here.

Go ahead, dig in!

Sooner or later, depression creeps into our lives if we are not being our authentic selves. For me, I couldn’t settle for just going through the motions of life anymore. I wanted to feel alive again! So, I surrender to it. Life flows through us, emotions and all. It is up to us to either listen to it, or fight it with all we have. For some, it feels too scary. Stored emotions can be sad or scary, or rage-filled. But, it is so worth it to dig in and uncover them, discover who you really are, and who you are meant to be. It is helpful for me to write in a journal about my feelings if I don’t want to talk to someone else at that time. At some point, I almost always talk about my emotions with someone I trust, but not always right away.

Feel Relief

When I practice surrendering, I feel instant relief. I feel like I am energetically connected to all, and that by surrendering to what is, I have the collective strength of everyone to help me deal with whatever comes up. Yes, it makes us a bit more vulnerable, but being vulnerable makes us human. Putting ourselves “out there”, so to speak, brings us all closer together. Connection is what we are all striving for. We want to be deeply connected to others. I am experiencing a huge shift in myself lately. I am much more willing to be vulnerable and to surrender to “what is”, in my life right now. The worst that can happen is that someone will judge me and think I’m a bit off my rocker! But, that is much more exciting than being a robot!

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