The breath and depression; breathing out of the dark place

Written by Amie on June 20, 2014 – 2:51 am -

 my own version of a private hell

I fell back into a deep dark place yesterday. A few days before this I could feel it coming on. It was pretty intense, and it caught me off guard in a way. I have had some days of feeling off, but not like I had at the beginning of this journey. I was feeling really hopeless. I tried very hard to just let the feeling be there. And for the most part I was able to do this. I was able to just do the basics to get through the day. I will be honest, it scared me a bit. It scared me because this feeling felt all too familiar, and I was afraid of falling and not being able to get back out this time. But I did. I felt a shift when I woke up today. I am so very grateful. But I want to talk about falling back down the hole. Each time it has happened over the years I realize once I reach the other side,I feel a growth in myself. Let me just say when in the midst of it, I am convinced I am in hell, if I believed in hell that is,lol. It is my own version of a private hell. And there is not a thing anyone can do or say to me that can pull me out. I realize it is something I have to go through in order to grow through another layer.

be nurtured 

I will say that it helped a great deal having people who support and love me letting me know they are there. And it helped to be nurtured by someone who loves me. I have learned that it is very important to make sure I don’t isolate myself. I reached out in a way that was enough at the time to reassure me I was loved and I wasn’t alone. Even if I did not want to talk or be talked to. It was a very intense process to watch the thoughts crossing my mind. I was in a state of fear to be sure. Fear of what? I’m not sure. I was able to see that my thoughts were just thoughts, but I was also stuck in the cycle of them. I was stuck. I was believing my fears somewhat. I knew they weren’t true, but I also felt fear in my body. It is hard to describe. The thing that really got me to shift my energy was the realization that even though my body felt numb, and yesterday I described it as feeling dead, was my breath. My breath was still happening even though I felt dead.

“I” am not the one having these thoughts

Hmmm….this really got me thinking about what/who is breathing me? How do we breath? Is it “me” breathing? Or is my breath being maintained by “the source”, “the energy”, “the divine” that created me? I was then able to come back to what I know to be true *for me*, and  that is, “I” am not my body. I am a soul who is living in this body. “I” am not the one having these thoughts. Thoughts arise in every single person every single day. They are words floating through the mind. I reminded myself that thoughts are the ego’s way of trying to keep me stuck. When “I” believe the thoughts, I am not in the present moment, I am stuck somewhere else. My body is holding onto emotions, creating energy to be stuck in my body.Which makes me suffer. I have to remind myself that its okay to be stuck sometimes. Sometimes being stuck happens right before a big growth spurt. As long as I remember the tools I have learned up until this point of being in a dark place, I know I will get out. Even if I don’t utilize those tools, just knowing they exist makes me remember there is in fact a better feeling place. And I have to remind myself that this too, shall pass. In fact, I even bought myself a ring that says, “this too, shall pass”.

 Yesterday I was nearly paralyzed

The very important thing to remember is ALWAYS have self love, self compassion. It took me many years, and so much practice to get to a place of kindness for myself when I am suffering. I still forget at times, but most of the time I am able to come back to this place of loving myself through the darkness. It is not always easy, as humans we tend to slip back into the patterns that feel familiar. But the more we practice,the easier it becomes to jump to self love and compassion first, and then allow the feelings to be there. Yesterday I was nearly paralyzed. I was fighting the feelings a bit, and then later I relaxed into them, and I allowed them in. And today, I must say that the darkness is gone for the most part, and I know I am closer to my truth. I am closer to the truth of who I really am. And, the really cool part is, I *know* for a fact that I am always connected to the source that created me. How do I know this? Because I am still breathing. My breath is always with me. Always, even after this physical body dies. We are One.

A beautiful video with Karen Drucker’s song “Gentle with myself”

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Posted in Awareness, Depression, healing from depression, Help with depression, Nurture yourself, Self-love | No Comments »

The other side of depression….feeling alive again

Written by Amie on October 6, 2011 – 2:40 am -

Your depression can be healed

I keep sitting down to write and then I can’t seem to finish. I am going to try again! A friend of mine helped me see that I may be having a difficult time writing because I no longer suffer from depression. This is an incredible gift! This site began because it helped me to write about my journey with depression. So, maybe I just need to change the focus a bit. First of all, I want you to know that *your* depression can be healed. I promise you that. As long as you are willing to do the work, you can feel better. I feel so grateful for the way I feel right now. I honestly can say I have never felt better in my life. I have never felt this alive ever before. It is so obvious to me now that I was completely shut down for most of my life. I was depressed for many years. So, here I am….really feeling fantastic! Please don’t read that and get discouraged if you are feeling horrible right now. I remember feeling horrible and then reading something positive and just wanting to punch the screen. I would mumble under my breath some pretty nasty remarks to the person who was feeling good. I know, pretty helpful, huh? So, please stay with me here, and keep reading. My intention for this website has not changed. I truly want to help others who are suffering. I want to share the things that have gotten me to this much healthier place.

Homeopathy

I must give homeopathy a huge shout out because I believe that without it, I might still be struggling. I was very very depressed. I thought I was as low as I could go. I was wrong. My brother committed suicide. There was a lower place than where I was. I honestly didn’t think I could pull myself out of it. But, I did. With the help of an incredible therapist, an incredible homeopath, the best friends ever, family support (which is difficult when you are all suffering from the same trauma), and some other tools. However, the fuel for my recovery was homeopathy. It helped ignite my life force. It wasn’t fast and it wasn’t always easy, but it was the best thing I have ever done. And believe me, I have tried so many avenues. I knew that antidepressants were not an option this time. I realized that I had to *feel* and not try to push away my truth. Homeopathy fit the bill. It helped me to do all of the other things that have been instrumental in my healing. E-mail me if you need a recommendation for a homeopath.

I woke up!

The fact that you are searching the Internet and the fact that you landed here tells me that you are awakening. This is the most exciting thing ever!!! If you stay with yourself, and allow yourself to *feel*, you will heal your depression. Waking up is the beginning. Knowing that you don’t want to suffer anymore is key. Seeing things for what they truly are, and seeing people in your life for who they truly are keeps you moving on the path of awakening. My soul woke me up. The birth of my children began the process for me. I saw in them what I was missing in my life. The love I showered on them was the love I missed growing up. Their birth awakened something deep deep inside me. I was able to *feel* the giant hole inside me that needed to be filled. As time went on, I continued to grow. I continued to see things more clearly. I saw people in a different light. The most important thing is that I was truthful with myself. I started finally telling myself the truth of  what I felt and what I needed and what I like and dislike. This was huge! I had to learn how to allow all of this without holding on to the guilt and shame that was attached to it. 

I love myself now!

This is the most incredible feeling in the world! I can honestly say I am completely in love with myself now. And I do not feel an ounce of guilt saying that! It began with learning to nurture myself. I learned to do things that fed my soul, my spirit. I learned to tell people no! I learned to stay away from people who didn’t feed the goodness in me. Was it easy? Hell no!!!! But am I stronger? Hell yes!!! Do I know for sure I am a strong empowered woman? Hell yes!!!! It takes work. It takes learning to talk back to the voice inside your head that is feeding you lies. Trust me, the voices are not you! They are lies. Loving myself feels so wonderful, I can’t describe it. I meditate every day. I feel out of sorts without it. I exercise at least 5 days a week. All of these things happened because I was ready. I do not push myself to do any of it. It all comes natural now. I crave doing things that feel good. And, back to homeopathy-it is the driving force. I believe these things all come naturally to me now because I am more in balance mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically. There is so much more, but I must go to sleep.

Contact me with questions, as I am truly here to help

 

You are love….you have the answers you need right inside you…..dig through the old lies and stories to re-discover the truth you were born with…..you are a beautiful soul…..you deserve to be here…..you deserve to feel joy every day……let go of the old stuff you have carried around for years…..question every single thing you tell yourself…..only keep it if you know it to be 100% true….that means you have to prove that it is true! Do something for yourself that feels good…right now….love…

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