Don’t be afraid to show your inner strength

Written by Amie on May 1, 2010 – 12:07 am -

Find the goodness that is already within you

Eckhart Tolle said, “You do not become good by trying to be good, but by finding the goodness that is already within you, and allowing that goodness to emerge.” For about the past week or so, the message that it is OK to be powerful and strong has been coming to me during my meditation. For me, this message means it is OK to show who I really am, I am already “good”, it is OK to have inner strength and joy. After hearing this message a few times, I decided to journal to see what came up. A very strong feeling of “toning my real self down” so as not to come across as a strong woman kept coming to my mind. I was a bit surprised by this at first, but then I realized how this all fits together with learning to hide my truth. I can see patterns in my life now of how I was conditioned to believe I shouldn’t show my true self because that truth was “too much” for some people to handle. I definitely don’t mean this in some bragging way at all. That’s not what I mean. What I mean is, my true self was not what some others could handle at any given point, so I learned to “be who they needed me to be”. I needed to be a good girl, and not cause too much of a stir about anything. I learned to be something I am not, so that I might feel loved. I needed to learn to be other people’s definition of what a good person is.

Make my life easier; do as I say, and act the way I need you to act

It helps me to know where this pattern came from, but not so that I can dwell in the past. Understanding and clarity help me to heal. I can really see how this pattern is common with so many people. Our society’s idea of a “good” person is to follow along with what everyone else is doing so as not to cause a stir.Many people in our society would rather have obedient, “good” children, which to me means, “do as I say, and act the way I need you to act so that my life is easier, and so you look like a “good” person to the people around you.”  I am not angry that this pattern was set up in my life. I am actually grateful for it. I understand how people are in a place in their lives where they are just barely hanging on themselves. Taking on the needs of a child may be just too much for them. Maybe there are other issues going on that cause them to be focused on their own lives. I am not angry, I am excited to discover I really am a powerful person and who I am is more than just OK! This is exciting to me because for years I believed I wasn’t good enough or that I didn’t have enough to contribute to this world to make a difference. I was so wrong about that! We all have gifts that need to be seen in this world, and we all have a right to express ourselves. It is just a bit more difficult if we grew up believing we had to be someone else in order to be loved.  As children, we trust that the adults around us will empower us and nurture us and allow us to be exactly who we are. Unfortunately, that isn’t always how it works. So many adults have unmet needs and unexpressed or repressed emotions inside of them which makes them unable to meet the needs of the children around them. I guess that’s why this human thing is called “being on a journey”. We are all learning as we go.

Let your truth shine bright

It was a relief to me to discover that I am in charge of my life. No matter what my past beliefs were, I am living in this moment right now, and that means I can be who I really am. Nobody else gets to tell me how to be. This alone restores my power. As an adult, each one of us has the right to choose how to live their own life. I wish this were the case for each child as well, but I will keep working on that part. The process of allowing that inner strength and hidden truth to be free is my main focus in life. I feel really happy when I think about expressing who I really am. I do know without a doubt that I am part of something so much bigger than me. I can see now that  create my own journey. I can choose to be who I am or not. I empower myself when I nurture this message. It is safe for me to be who I am. When I express honesty and truth, I am being authentic. This is who I really am. Living in each moment brings me to an authentic place. The strongest message deep within my heart in this moment is this, “You are an incredible being, express your truth and your inner beauty. Show your truth, and let it shine bright!” Each one of us was born with this message. Stop looking everywhere else for validation of this truth, it is already there, right inside you. Move stuff around a bit, and you will re-discover the truth of who you really are.

Eckhart Tolle, Quotes from “A New Earth”

I love the quote that I added at the top of my site under “Daily Nurturing” by Marianne Williamson. It is so true for all of us!

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The added commentary

Written by Amie on October 12, 2009 – 12:41 am -

You had me going!

When I am present, I am able to laugh about the many times my mind tries to tell me stories about the experiences that are happening in my life. If I have more than one or two things that I absolutely have to get done within a few hours, the stories begin…..”Oh my gosh, I will never get all of this done…..I hate days like this…..I feel like I am running all over the place…..why can’t someone else do this”……then I catch myself and laugh. I say to myself, “wow, you really had me going there for a few minutes, I almost fell into the victim role again….a victim to…? oh, that would be to myself! Then, I calmly remind myself of the facts…..”I always have a choice (very important reminder), I can finish these things easily, at 4:00 these things will be behind me, I can make this enjoyable if I change my perspective!” And, usually, within a few minutes I have shifted my mood. There are a few ways of looking at this, but I will share my experience because it is what I know for sure.

All about needs

When I was in this mode I am now able to see without a doubt that it was all about needs. When I felt overwhelmed and like a victim, it was because I was not getting my needs met. My stories would set up the tone of “oh poor me”, and then I would be convinced that my world was falling apart around me. The voices that were telling me stories were also telling me, “don’t bother trying to get your needs met, you will never get them met.” Once we learn that our needs will not be met, we get in the habit even as adults, not to bother asking. Therefore, we unconsciously put ourselves in the role of the victim, hoping someone will notice and then maybe we will get our needs met. This is a passive aggressive way of trying to get our needs met, and may be the only way we have known to try to get our needs met.  It took me a long time to really see this pattern in myself. I am able to see how this pattern was set early on however, and this made a big difference in my healing.  Once I could see what I was doing, it helped me to become more present and aware of the patterns so that I could change them. Identifying our patterns is so helpful in the process of healing.

Healing from depression

When needs are not being met, it is understandable as to why we act the way we do. All humans have needs. It is essential when healing from depression to get in touch with your needs. This is something I still work on because I had no idea how to name my needs. Most of us haven’t learned how to get our needs met. Instead, we make up stories as to why we feel certain ways. We make up stories about why “I have so much to do”, and “I always have to do everything”. A lot of our stress comes from the stories we tell ourselves about our situation. When I first started learning about needs and learning about how to express them, I had no idea that my stories were really the expression of unmet needs.

Stay present with myself

Things feel so much easier when I stay present with myself, and check in with myself many times per day. I check in with myself to make sure there are no stories taking me over like an alien! It takes awhile for the habit of listening to the stories to die down, but it does as long as you are present and aware. When I check in with myself, and the stories are running rampant, I simply ask myself, “what do I need?” I may not always get a quick, clear, answer, but just stopping to ask the question beings me into awareness. It allows me to consider what it is I am needing. Many times I just need understanding. I need someone to hear me and just validate what they hear me saying. Amazing how simple this sounds, but yet most of us have no experience with it. I learned about it when my kids were younger and I have been practicing it for years now. However, it still doesn’t always come easy. But, at least, I am aware of what is going on in my noggin now, so I can call it on the carpet, so to speak!

 

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