letting go of the outcome

Written by Amie on July 18, 2013 – 2:56 am -

“The greatest fear in the world is of the opinions of others. And the moment you are unafraid of the crowd you are no longer a sheep, you become a lion. A great roar arises in your heart, the roar of freedom.” ~Osho

 

not conforming to dysfunctional ways

I had about a month of not having to deal with people accusing me of ruining things. What “ruining things”  means to me is that I shook things up by not conforming to what other people wanted me to do. I didn’t go back to “business as usual”. This felt really good to have some time away from the unhealthy actions of people who were living in their roles of the victim.  Sad, but good. And then today, another form letter arrived in my mailbox. I call it a form letter because it is words written down that have no feeling in them whatsoever, besides an attempt to guilt me in hopes that I will say, “sure, let’s go back to the way things were.” It is so very sad to me that some people may never face their emotional pain. Instead, they project their negativity onto those around them, especially any loved ones that allow them to. They project their negativity onto others, blaming the other people instead of facing the truth. It is easier to do this, I get it. And it is hard work to face years and years of dysfunctional behavior. But, it is also the only way to heal yourself and to heal relationships that have been harmed.  

DEAL with the affects of alcoholism and enabling and unhealthy behavior

Unhealthy behavior can be blamed on alcoholism, on drug abuse, etc etc. However, my question is always, “what is the alcoholic or the recovering alcoholic, or the person overeating, or shopping too much, etc. covering up?” What feelings and experiences are they avoiding that they aren’t ready to face? Instead of facing their pain, they tend to lash out and hurt others. It can be verbally, emotionally, or physically, or all of these.  I get it, it is painful work to face emotional pain. Yes, people are affected by loved ones who have addictions. I get it. I have been affected by alcoholic behavior. I was also affected by enabling behavior. I get that too. I was forced to draw a boundary. I had to if I wanted to keep myself healthy. To further my own healing. To DEAL with the affects of alcoholism and enabling and unhealthy behavior (instead of just blaming alcoholism, I took action). I have worked through many of the issues that have stemmed from this. Years of undoing the unhealthy behaviors I learned. It gets very tiring to hear someone telling me I have been affected by alcoholism. I get it. I know. I took action. Stop using this as a way to avoid looking at your own pain and avoid taking action by continuing to tell me  I was affected. I get it, it is more convenient to blame everything on something so that no action has to be taken.  Other people, on the other hand, have not taken action to change their situation and begin their healing. Therefore, boundaries must be put in place. If a person chooses to live a certain way, I am okay with that. But please don’t ask me to pretend I am okay with living that way. I love myself enough to take good care of myself. Please stop trying to put blame where blame doesn’t belong. It is what steps you take in order to take your power back, to begin healing , that will change things. If no steps are taken, the unhealthy person or people will continue on down the road hurting others and not taking responsibility for their actions.

But don’t expect others to be the target for your anger and lies

The truth is that I wish healing for all those I love. That doesn’t mean I want to subject myself to disrespectful, unhealthy, and sometimes very mean behavior. I won’t. It means I will send them love from afar and let go of the outcome. I have to let go. I have to take care of myself and my family. I have been doing my own work for years now. I don’t care if someone disagrees with my going to therapy, or to therapy in general. I’m not trying to tell you what to do, I am doing what is best for me. I only wish healing for all. Staying in denial can be a necessary thing for some people. I get it. Sometimes it truly is just too painful. I understand. But don’t expect others to be the target for your anger and lies. You will have to deal with that yourself. Again, I will send you love from afar. If you don’t understand where I am coming from, it might be helpful to find a therapist that will support you. I only wish some people understood that doing inner work creates self-love. It can be frustrating to hear that some people believe therapy is about sitting with the therapist and bashing those who have caused you pain.  Healthy therapy is not that at all. Healthy therapy is being supported on the journey to self-love. It is about truth, it is about taking responsibility for your actions, behaviors, and words. It is about taking ownership of your life. It is learning to be truthful about your feelings and learning to feel your emotions! It is about being gentle with yourself while you unlearn beliefs and thoughts that were never true to begin with. I still believe all is exactly as it should be. I am exactly where I am supposed to be, doing what I am supposed to be doing. Everything happens for a reason. It is a process. Be real. Be truth. Be love. Be authentic. Heal. Grow. Love. Find your truth. Live your truth. Be brave. Be courageous. Love yourself through it all. Be gentle.

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Posted in Awareness, Connection, Healing & personal growth, healing from depression, Self hate, Self-love | 2 Comments »

How do I get out of depression?

Written by Amie on July 2, 2011 – 8:46 pm -

How do I get out of depression

I have heard many people talk about “getting out of” depression. I have said it myself many times as well; “how do I get out of this depression?” When I was meditating this morning it came to me that we never “get out of ” depression; rather we “go back to” the truth we were born with. We learn to go back to ourselves, which makes the depression dissolve. When we come from the mindset that we are plagued or trapped or stuck in depression, it instantly puts us into the helpless, victim mode. The victim mode is when we tell ourselves we have no choice. When one feels as they have no choice about something, they feel hopeless. Hopelessness fuels depression. The story we tell ourselves then runs our life. “I am stuck feeling depressed, there is no way out of this”, “Depression runs in my family, I am stuck”…..the conditioned beliefs and thoughts go on and on. We believe them and they become true. We are stuck. But, we really are not! It is just a story we are telling ourselves, and it can be changed!

Uncover the layers of conditioning that have you trapped

This takes a shift in your perspective. We begin to come back to ourselves by learning how to uncover the layers of conditioning that have trapped us in depression. We must rediscover the truth that has been sitting right behind the depression this whole time. There is no goal to get to. Start right where you are in this moment. Begin by becoming aware of the thoughts and beliefs you tell yourself. What do you tell yourself about your depression? What thought just went through your head? What story did you just tell yourself about that thought? Do you believe it? Can you prove that it is true? Really? How does it feel in your body when you believe your thought?Just notice, don’t judge. Become aware by becoming an observer. Just watch your mind….what is it telling you? Is it labeling the thoughts for you? Is your mind saying something is good or bad, right or wrong? Do you believe that? Where did that belief come from? Does it even make any sense? A very important point to remember is that all situations are neutral until we add our own commentary or story to them. They are still neutral, but our stories have labeled them and then we believe them. This is just your mind (ego) trying to keep you in check. When you start questioning things, the mind gets nervous and works really hard to try to come back to what it knows. It helps to think of this as a separate entity. Eckhart Tolle calls this the pain body. All of the accumulated trauma, stories, beliefs, and thoughts in our bodies become a separate entity that gets triggered until we are able to look at them and see them for what they are.

Depression is layers of untruths

Depression is layers of untruths that are just covering up who you really are. Who you really are got pushed down each time into hiding time and time again. The conditioning we receive in childhood teaches us to hide how we really feel, who we really are, and what we really need. We receive the message that we are somehow not OK. We unconsciously respond to this by building layers inside ourselves in order to protect ourselves. The process of depression begins each time we hide a part of ourselves. We have all been taught to do this. The great news is that it can be undone! Healing depression means finding your real self that was buried. It is a process, yes.  In order to heal, you must peel away the untruths of who you are not. Your real self (your joyful happy self) is still inside you, it always has been and always will be. It takes diligence and courage to peel away the untrue stuff to get to your true self. It is exciting work!

Depression does not mean there is something wrong with you

Depression is a reminder to you. A reminder coming from that place of truth inside you. It is  hoping and waiting for you to start peeling away the walls that have been built up to protect your heart. Your heart has been hurt by traumatic and stressful events in your life. Many of these being beliefs put upon you when you weren’t able to take care of yourself. Even as adults we believe things about ourselves that just aren’t true. Everybody has had events happen in their lives that force them to hide who they really are. Some people have had more than others. “Fixing” your depression really means chizeling away at these things blocking your truth. The truth is you are perfect and that you have everything you need inside you. Depression happens when you get away from believing you are meant to be here and that there is a purpose for your being here. Depression means losing the connection with the source of all life-the flow of love. Depression is the wall of wounds and hurts that cut you off from the infinite flow of love inside you. Start today by becoming aware of your thoughts and beliefs. Question everything!!!!! Do not believe your thoughts. Write down your thoughts and how your body feels when you think them. Awareness is the place to begin.

 

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