Waking up is hard to do and I wouldn’t have it any other way!

Written by Amie on March 31, 2015 – 2:23 am -

waking up to a new reality

It is not easy waking up to realize everything you have believed about your life is no longer true. Many people judge those who say that are awake or who are in the process of waking up, not really understanding what is meant by “being awake”. I know I was asleep to my truth until a few years ago. I started waking up to a new reality after my kids were born. I began working on my inner world. After my brother died 8 years ago, I woke up to an even deeper truth. One of the truths I soon realized is that we are each on a journey, and we are each waking up at different speeds. Some may not wake up in this lifetime. For one reason or another, this is not the time for their awakening. I understand this, but it still isn’t easy to live with sometimes.

Why are we not encouraged to research and question

When we wake up, we are forced to begin seeing things in a whole new way. I woke up to the fact that everything I learned (or was force-fed) about religion is not true. Nothing I was taught makes any sense to me. I always hated going to church but I didn’t know why. Now I know I hated going to church because my true self was saying this makes no sense! Shouldn’t this experience feel good? Why do I feel like a shameful guilty person each time I go? Why is this man standing in front of all of us “sinners” treated like he is better than those he preaches to? Why do we believe he has all of the answers? Why are we not encouraged to research and question and then decide what we feel best fits our truth? This is comical to me now! How easily we are led to believe nonsense. How easily we hand over our souls to someone deemed one of god’s chosen ones. How in the world can these people know the history of the world? Were they there from the beginning? Whose interpretation are we believing? Why are there so many versions? Why are many of the people who claim to live by the bible some of the most judgmental people I have ever met/seen in my life! Why are some of the messages I learned from being around “christian” people, “do as I say, not as I do. The rules I tell you to live by only apply to me if its convenient for me at that time. Just make sure you appear to be a “good” person, your actions don’t have to match what you say you believe.”

This is when I wonder about people

I could probably go on and on….but you get the idea. I am not here to bash religions. I am saying that for me, it doesn’t make sense to just believe someone else’s  ideas without researching and deciding what makes sense to me. I am quite tired of people using religion as a shield to cover up their anger and dysfunction, while trying to act kind and happy. I am quite tired of people using the excuse “we will pray for you”, rather than trying to take action, or actively work out a situation that feels too uncomfortable. If so-called religious people are non-judgmental and loving and accepting (you know, like they say jesus was), how in the world did a law just pass in Indiana that says businesses can now discriminate against gays, lesbians, and apparently anyone they describe as sinners and who these people believe will burn in hell for their sins? Those who are not worthy of their definition of, “god approved people”. This is when I wonder about people. How are you human? How is this okay? How can you justify this? It is difficult to not just give up on this crazy world.

I was shocked to see I hardly had any of my own thoughts and beliefs

This is another reason why waking up is not easy. I didn’t see these things as clearly as I do now. I could feel in my body that certain things did not feel good to me, but as usual, I assumed there was just something wrong with me. When you keep hearing ” you don’t believe THAT do you? over and over as a child, (and into adulthood!), it makes for serious confusion. Waking up means questioning everything about your life, not just religion. Once I started digging around through my thoughts and beliefs, I was shocked to see how brainwashed I was. I was shocked to see I hardly had any of my own thoughts and beliefs about my own life!  The ones I did have, I talked myself out of. I told myself I was a bad person for feeling that way. I couldn’t believe how my “go-to” was to think I was crazy and to think something was deeply wrong with me! It can sometimes be easier to numb out, or to self medicate in order to avoid feeling our truth. The reality can feel pretty harsh when a clear picture emerges. The difference between numbing out when you are awake versus numbing out when you are asleep is that when you numb out while awake, you are aware you are doing it. When you are asleep, you just numb out because that is just what you’ve always done.

If you are depressed, there is a very very good chance you are not feeling your truth

I am here to say, “question everything you have been taught to believe, especially if you feel it in your body that something just doesn’t feel quite right”. Question everything, even if it goes against what your family, friends,community, and world believe! Question everything, even if it means letting go of things in your life that make you feel terrible. It is okay to let go of things that don’t feel healthy to you. Waking up means seeing and acknowledging the way things really are, the way things feel to *you*. Don’t let anyone guilt you or shame you into being a certain way. If you are depressed, there is a very very good chance you are not feeling your truth. There is a very very good chance you are repressing your true self. There is a very very good chance you are angry with yourself or disappointed with yourself for not being able to just “be like others”. (This is a really good thing! But please be kind to yourself, and give your feelings a voice) Waking up is not easy. It sometimes feels very hard. It can at times feel isolating. But it is life changing, in really really good ways. It is learning to love yourself exactly  as you are. Once you love yourself, you will no longer be willing to go along with someone else’s ideas or beliefs unless they feel right *to you*.

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you were conditioned to listen to everything *except* that voice inside yourself;self hate is not what you were born with

Written by Amie on July 26, 2012 – 1:35 pm -

we are taught to do many things, but being truthful about who we really are is not one of them

I am feeling the need to assure you that you are a very important part of the universe. You are connected to it. You are connected to every single soul, even during the times you are feeling completely alone and isolated. When I say important, what I mean is that the universe needs you to come alive. Otherwise ,we are missing a part of the whole.  I don’t mean just breathing, eating, talking, thinking. I mean awake to what is truly happening in your life. I mean being willing to look within to find your true self. Looking within to face yourself is not easy. It is hard work. Why is this? Because you have been conditioned away from doing this. You are taught to do many things, but being truthful about who you really are is not one of them. When you show who you are and others tell you (verbally or non verbally) it is inappropriate or not who they think you should be or who they *need* you to be, and you absorb that message over and over …..that’s when self hate comes in. This self hate becomes who you think you really are because it feels familiar.  You  learned this at a very young age most likely. Therefore, you believe it to be true, or “right”. When you expressed your needs as a child and then received a reaction of non-acceptance, you learned to try to be something else. You learned to act the part you needed to act in order to get along with those around you. This is the beginning of self hate, which is the beginning of shutting off your inner voice.

living in a bubble of self-hate 

I want to encourage you to listen to that inner voice, and to follow it. It is time. If you have been living in a bubble of self-hate and you have been labelled or have labelled yourself “depressed”, then you are not living in your truth. You are walking through life listening to external sources who are trying hard to keep everyone and everything the same. The definition of self hate is believing in the lies you have been conditioned with. It means being someone you’re not. It means following someone else’s dream of who you should be. It means doing things you absolutely hate because somehow you learned it is the “right” thing to do! It means saying NO to your inner voice. It means avoiding feeling your true feelings and emotions. It means avoiding your needs. It means continuing the shaming behavior  you were dealt when you voiced your truth or your needs. Having needs is normal and natural!!! You were shamed for having needs because the adults in your life were not capable or willing to meet you in your place of truth. You feel shame now because you are still believing in the lies that you were dealt. Being who you are is your birthright!!! Waking up in your life means being true to your soul’s purpose. Waking up and feeling the courage to go against what others want from you if what they want  doesn’t feel right in your soul. Waking up means listening to those inner voices of shame and telling them to go to hell!!! Those voices of shame and hate are NOT who you are, I promise you that. Those voices are the dysfunctions of families and societies and churches and cultures that keep getting handed down to children until we take responsibility to heal them and to stand up and change the bullshit beliefs we inherited!  

try not to label yourself 

There is no destination you need to get to. You are you, right in this moment. You can begin right now questioning who you are. Start by asking yourself the question, “who am I”? But I don’t want you to beat yourself up thinking you have to have the right answer because there isn’t a right answer. You are love, you are perfect exactly as you are. When you ponder this question, try not to label yourself with things such as, “I am a Mom/Dad”, or “I am a wife/husband”, or “I am a supervisor”. These aren’t who you are, they are just labels that make it easier to explain something to others. Who or what are you really? Be gentle on yourself with this. It is simply something to ponder, something that may help you open your heart just a bit in order to start seeing your truth. Self-hate feels very real. I was in it for years. I didn’t know to question it. I didn’t know that I was conditioned away from being who I was born to be. I didn’t understand that I was not being my authentic self and that this was why I hated myself. I beat myself up about everything. If I felt something other than what I had been conditioned to believe, I beat myself up. I thought I was bad for going against what I was taught to believe. In reality I now see that going against what I knew actually meant listening to who I really am. So, it is uncomfortable for awhile, I can assure you. When we change things up, our minds want to question it and make us doubt that what we are doing is “right”. Keep following your inner voice, even through the uncomfortable feelings. You will get to the place where your truth resides. It is in there, I promise you. Wading through the muck that isn’t your truth will get you to the clear waters of who you really are. Listen to that gut feeling you have about something you really want to do or something you really want to stop doing.

 Rebirth yourself in love

I need to say this again….you are connected to everyone and everything in the universe, and you are connected to the universe. You are a part of the whole. This means that you have the wisdom of the universe right inside you, right now! When you hear that small voice inside you that tells you what would be nice, this is your guidance from the universe. How can you tell the difference between the voice of self hate and the voice of the universe? Very simple. The universe gives you messages that feel loving, self hate gives you messages that are mean, scary, and hateful. Learning to listen to your inner guidance is the job at hand. Many of us have been conditioned to listen to others; listen to authority, listen to the “experts”, listen to what everyone is doing. You were conditioned to listen to everyone *except* that voice inside that is always connected to the universe, or your higher power, or whatever you choose to call it. We have been conditioned to feel bad when we listen to that voice. We have been conditioned to beat ourselves up when we go against what we are taught. This is where depression comes in. You are not in touch with your inner guide, therefore you are not open to the universe and the love that is waiting for you. You are here to experience love, and joy, and connection with others. There will be sadness, grief, hardship etc. When you are depressed, you are shut off to everything. When you are depressed, it means you are listening to the dysfunction, you are listening to the self hate which is the accumulation of untrue messages you were conditioned with. To begin to change this, you must question every single thought you have. If it is not kind and loving, it is not your inner guidance. So, talk back to it! Tell it thanks, but no thanks. And keep listening and questioning. Your birthright is love. Self hate is not what you were born with. Throw it out thought by thought and belief by belief. Rebirth yourself in love.

Gangaji  “your core message”

 

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