Accepting or rejecting myself

Written by Amie on December 31, 2009 – 12:31 am -

I’ve known it for a million years!

Here I am two days in a row! I haven’t done that in quite awhile, but I try to write when I am feeling inspired, so here I am. When I am feeling inspired, so many realizations come to me. Even though others before me have already learned some of this stuff, it feels brand new to me when I “get it” and it just clicks like I have known it all for a million years. When I get that feeling, I am reassured that I am connected to all that is. We are all connected, and this deep feeling of inner knowing feels really good.

Accepting what is equals accepting who I am

So, back to my realization of today. I was meditating this morning and it hit me that I am a person who must always try to fix my emotions, or figure out what is going on. I think I wrote about this not too long ago, but again, I write when I feel inspired, so it is possible to repeat myself! LOL  It came to me in my meditation that I can let go of needing to have solutions, answers, etc. When I am able to let go of needing to know these things, I am accepting who I am *right* in this moment. I am not trying to fix things about myself so that I can to the point of being able to *finally* accept who I am. By this I mean if I can accept what is right now, then I am accepting who I am right now. When I try to fix what is or change it somehow, I am in essense rejecting myself and who I am. When I am able to be with what is, then I am also able to be with who I am.

Ms. Fix-it to the rescue

I can see now that by always feeling like something in me needs to be changed or needs to be different, I am saying to myself, “I don’t accept you, you are flawed, and you need to be fixed. I can never accept who you are unless you figure out why you have all of these flaws and figure out a way to fix all that is wrong with you.” So, yeah, I know where this leads. This leads to I will never accept myself. It’s just so interesting to me that when I can let my feelings just flow through me, and stay with them, I accept exactly who I am, and I really love her! When I am in my Ms. Fix-it mode, I completely reject myself. Slowly but surely the tool belt is coming off.

FEEL as you go

We are all exactly where we are supposed to be. I know, that does not feel true at times. But it makes it much easier to live when we can just accept where we are, *FEEL* as we go, let it flow through, and cry or move or write or do whatever we need to do to release the wave of emotion. When I remember that I am not my body, I am not my experiences, and I am not those negative stories going through my mind. The true me is pure love, as is the true you. We have been led to believe that we are our thoughts and experiences and beliefs. Not true. Those were just roadblocks trying to trick us into believing the negative. We are all perfect, exactly as we are, we are all worthy, we are all capable of healing and growing, and we are all here to feel joy and love for ourselves and each other. Say hello to the roadblocks, and then tell them so long.  They are just in the way and their job is over.

 

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How self love can grow when we are able to really see ourselves

Written by Amie on September 19, 2009 – 2:50 pm -

Look yourself  in the eyes

How many times have you really looked at yourself? I mean moving your face so that you are just an inch or two from the mirror? It sounds like it would be nothing to do this, but I was shocked at how I felt when I did it. I look in the mirror everyday, multiple times a day. However, I was not really seeing my aliveness. I decided that I wanted to see myself up close and directly in the eyes. This was hard for me to do. I tried to figure out why it felt so scary to do. I soon realized that when I wasn’t really “seeing” me, it was easier to be mean to myself. When I looked right into my eyes, I felt love for myself. Not sure if I am being really clear, but I will keep trying!

woman looking in mirror blur

See my aliveness

It is the same exercise when you are really listening to another person. You aren’t thinking of what you will say next, you are truly seeing them and hearing them. Do you notice that when you do this, you can see a certain light in their eyes? I think of this as aliveness. When I am truly seeing someone for who they are, I see the aliveness in their eyes. The same thing happened when I looked in the mirror to look for my own aliveness. I thought this would be an easy thing to do, but it isn’t. Try it, and see how you feel.

The eyes are a window into the soul

The more I practice this, the more I can feel my self love grow. I really think it has something to do with the fact that I am only seeing “me”. I am not looking at my body, critiquing it, I am not judging my hair or my face, I am just seeing “me”. I never really thought to give myself the same treatment that I give others when I am listening to them. I thought that when I look in the mirror, I see me.  I know that I am not my body, but still, when we look in the mirror, we expect to see ourselves. However, I now know from my own experience, that the real me, my true aliveness, is within my eyes. Now I really believe the quote that says something about how our eyes are a window into our soul.

This practice allows me to be kind to myself

By looking at the true me in my eyes, it is easier for me to be kind to myself. I am thinking of carrying a small mirror around at all times, so that I can check in with myself! Not really, but it is tempting, because this feels like a whole new level of communication with my true self. This practice also helps me to remind myself to just be ok with where I am right now in this moment. Until I did this exercise, I am really not sure if I ever saw my true self. I may have thought that I did, but I don’t think I did. When I look into my eyes, I see things that I didn’t know were there. When I looked deep into my eyes, I noticed that my eyes look similar to my brother’s. I never noticed that our eyes looked similar. It gave me a connected feeling to him, because I can no longer see him since he passed away. That made me feel really happy. I encourage you to try this exercise, it is not as easy as it sounds, but it gets easier and feels better and better the more you do it. It is one more way to practice being present with yourself.

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